Archive+(Finished+Writes)

Sophie Richardson ‍Professor Neilson‍ English 9 30 December 2013 Two Bit, the Outsider of Humor 1960, John F Kennedy was elected as the president of the United States of America. Youth developed a booming cultural stance with ease; racism and sexism demanded attention as popular musical groups and media‍ brought‍ new ideas into the lives of ‍American teens. S.E. Hinton captured this world flawlessly in her novel, which was‍ written while she was in high school. Violence, friendship, love, and social cliques are few of the many emotions expressed in her book, The Outsiders. There are eight main characters in this book. Ponyboy Curtis; the narrator and main focus of the book, has an interesting view towards one of the more ‍blithe‍ of all the outsider’s characters; Two Bit Mathews. Two bit’s character shows loyalty and ease towards his gang, (or rather clique or social group) in this 180 page book. His lightheartedness was expressed many times in the‍ book, but‍ one of the first examples ‍is on page 10. Ponyboy states: “You couldn't shut up that guy; he always had to get his two-bits worth in. Hence his name. Even his teachers forgot his real name was Keith, and we hardly remembered he had one.” (Hinton, S. E. "1" The Outsiders, New York: Speak, 2008) Ponyboy always describes him as a joker at heart; it irritates him and the others in the gang, but always left a brighter side to wherever he had been. When looking through his words it is easy to see; because of his ability to enjoy life under harsh circumstances, which is one of the most valued lessons taught in Hinton’s book. These actions shows definite consistency in his personality, faced against the well-known characters, Two bit has a purpose in the world of 1960’s America that shines a light on the struggles that youth face even today. ‍ As the sixties were introduced, it was quickly identified for its rebellion. One of the more important elements in Hinton’s novel is growth in these few years of ‍youth‍. Youth were demonstrated as revolting against the moral beliefs and standards of parents and authority.‍ S.E Hinton showed this with showed this through clothing, music, hair, and dance. The excitement was a distraction, and this helped brighten the hardships ‍that children and teenagers faced in their generation. Much social conflict was pushed, the main protests revolved around changing the norms of society and citizen rights. Although these issues are hardly mentioned in ‘The Outsiders’, despite the effects of stress on the youth‍ of that generation clearly thrived‍. To add a background of this stress, some of these same problems show up stronger in ‍America's‍ schooling. Drug usage rates are growing, gang relations climb, even petty crime is becoming more and more accepted. As these things show growth, this means it started at some point right? Yes, the sixties are‍ a perfect example of the incline in the hostile environment teenagers’ face today. Looking through these emotionally straining issues, there are several examples of the ways to handle this distraught. In the book there is one specific example of a character who was a victim of the stresses that erode youngsters; his name is‍ Dally Winston. He didn't have the coping skills that two bit demonstrated and maintained. In this Dally is described as a ruthless, tough, and careless person. His daily motions always seemed dangerously foolish, constantly seeking distraction. His story ended tragically towards the very end of the book; being pounded by bullets under the neighborhood street lights after robbing a grocery store. Thinking about escapes of the world of anger, frustration, and just plain frustration that all teenagers face, although hard this way of life can be harnessed and made into something worthwhile. Two bit, although very sarcastic and playful, shows enlightenment‍ throughout the novel, displayed by his witty sense of humor.‍ It’s very simple, yet hard to see. This is the addition that I saw as an intriguing (and important) role in the book. One of the lessons that are expressed in The Outsiders is merely enduring, although discreet, this book ‍demonstrates that holding onto happiness is a choice, just as hanging onto or letting go of sorrow and sadness is a choice. ‍ Peering into the world of the outsiders, the values of friendship have greatly influenced this emotional book through these wonderful characters. Seeing the face value of the light that is brought to teens when reading adventurous books, S.E. Hinton succeeded in introducing a viewpoint of the different experiences that any teen can aspire to. These deeply stated characters can relate to those who read, capturing feeling at any time. The Outsiders truly brings positivity to a unique kind of view adolescent reading and leaves with a sense of accomplishment.‍ Please cut and paste last month's write (all 4 pages) here: Stephanie Anne Smith Susan Neilson 9-7-13 period 4

Comparing and contrast poems: ‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍Snow Day- Billy Collins‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

Today we woke up to a revolution of snow, its white flag waving over everything, the landscape vanished, not a single mouse to punctuate the blankness, and beyond these windows

the government buildings smothered, schools and libraries buried, the post office lost under the noiseless drift, the paths of trains softly blocked, the world fallen under this falling.

In a while I will put on some boots and step out like someone walking in water, and the dog will porpoise through the drifts, and I will shake a laden branch, sending a cold shower down on us both.

But for now I am a willing prisoner in this house, a sympathizer with the anarchic cause of snow. I will make a pot of tea and listen to the plastic radio on the counter, as glad as anyone to hear the news

that the Kiddie Corner School is closed, the Ding-Dong School, closed, the All Aboard Children's School, closed, the Hi-Ho Nursery School, closed, along with -- some will be delighted to hear --

the Toadstool School, the Little School, Little Sparrows Nursery School, Little Stars Pre-School, Peas-and-Carrots Day School, the Tom Thumb Child Center, all closed, and -- clap your hands -- the Peanuts Play School.

So this is where the children hide all day, These are the nests where they letter and draw, where they put on their bright miniature jackets, all darting and climbing and sliding, all but the few girls whispering by the fence.

And now I am listening hard in the grandiose silence of the snow, trying to hear what those three girls are plotting, what riot is afoot, which small queen is about to be brought down.

Beyond the Snow Belt- Mary Oliver

Over the local stations, one by one, Announcers list disasters like dark poems That always happen in the skull of winter. But once again the storm has passed us by: Lovely and moderate, the snow lies down While shouting children hurry back to play, And scarved and smiling citizens once more Sweep down their easy paths of pride and welcome.

And what else might we do? Let us be truthful. Two counties north the storm has taken lives. Two counties north, to us, is far away, -A land of trees, a wing upon a map, A wild place never visited, - so we Forget with ease each far mortality.

Peacefully from our frozen yards we watch Our children running on the mild white hills. This is the landscape that we understand, -And till the principle of things takes root, How shall examples move us from our calm? I do not say that is not a fault. I only say, except as we have loved, All news arrives as from a distant land.

Brain storming ideas: Snow day- Happy poem. A soft snow has come and its time to sit outside and relax. School is cancelled and there's nothing to worry about. We can just sit around all day and read and drink tea. Everything is covered and its one big white dream. Three girls are planning to do something. I'm really not sure what but it sounds like a snow ball fight or something..... ‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍what do you think???‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

Beyond the snow belt- A horrible storm has just passed. lives have been lost and places have been destroyed. All around us is horrible. The storm has passed and life is back to normal. ‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍We quickly forget about the bad around us and get wrapped up in our crazy lives again.‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Paragraph 1: In this paragraph I will be talking about what my essay is all about. I will compare and contrast the two poems Snow Day by Billy Collins and Beyond the Snow Belt by Mary Oliver. I will talk about their love of the snow and how they enjoy it. I will also talk about what happens beyond their homes and what the snow does. I will also try to paint a picture of how beautiful the snow is when it has just fallen.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Paragraph 2: I will compare the two poems by describing what it was like in both of these poems. I will use similes and metaphors to hopefully paint a picture in the readers mind.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Paragraph 3: In this paragraph i will compare qualities in the poems.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Paragraph 4: I will contrast the two poems by looking at the differences in both of them. How did they think of the situation and what did they do about it. ‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍ Paragraph 5: This will be my closing paragraph. I will look at their two view points and compare and contrast them.‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍Snow brings many diverse emotions and outcomes; sometimes it can be ‍‍‍‍‍beautiful or it can bring the destruction of a city‍‍‍‍‍.‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍ Snow isn't always fun and games! Snow Day, by Billy Collins is a cheerful poem that brings happy emotions to me. As we read that poem a small, old town covered in snow. The poem gave an impression that snow is a positive thing. In Beyond the Snow Belt, by Mary Oliver the emotions were scared and sad. Picture a horrible snow storm tearing down buildings and destroying everything in sight. In this poem ‍‍‍‍‍snow is a horrible thing. By using comparisons and looking at contrasts between the two poems, the poetic tools of symbolism, tone and imagery can provide insight into this set of poems.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Both poems are about snow and what it can be like. It shows the joy or sorrow snow can bring with it, In Snow Day‍‍‍‍‍ it's possible to ‍‍‍‍‍picture a beautiful bright day with soft snow falling. It has filled the streets and people are looking out their windows at the sight. Soon the reader finds out school has been cancelled. Life couldn't be any better. Now‍‍‍‍‍ the narrator tells how nice it is to just have to get a mug of hot chocolate and cuddle on the couch by the fire to read a book on a 'Snow Day'. The kids go outside and have snow ball fights and make snow angles. ‍‍‍‍‍The kids laugh and smile as they run around and quickly get white on their noses and eye lashes‍‍‍‍‍. The snow looks as soft as cotton. In Beyond the Snow Belt the snow has just settled down from a big storm. The sun has come out and all the kids come out to play. ‍‍‍‍‍Beautiful white snow ‍‍‍‍‍is falling like cotton balls from the sky. Parents watch their kids play from inside and smile. Everyone has looked past the negative and now looks at the beauty of the snow.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">There are many similarities and differences in both of the poems. In Snow Day its easy to visualize a picture perfect snowy day with sun and kids playing and no worries in the world. The other poem, Beyond the Snow Belt, paints a picture of a windy, stormy, snowy day that slowly turns into a nicer play day. This helps you to see both sides of snow, ‍‍‍‍‍the dark side but also the fun and magical side‍‍‍‍‍. Kids play and laugh in both of the poems. One is relaxing and one is uptight. In both poems though kids play and laugh.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">There are several differences in these two poems. One is the different kinds of snow. In Snow Day, its light and beautiful and fun. In Beyond the Snow Belt, its cold and scary and unforgiving. Kids play in laugh and have a good time and in the other people hide and peek out from their windows to see what's going on.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">All in all, Beyond the Snow Belt and Snow Day have lots of similarities and differences. As the reader, you can get two very different ideas of snow by reading these two poems. Snow can be fun and games or it can be a horrible disaster. Both sides are good and bad. Snow Day and Beyond the Snow Belt are two very good poems.

=<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 22px;">Final Essay: =

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Stephanie Smith Susan Neilson English 11 10/1/13

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Snow Day and Beyond the Snow Belt

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">‍‍‍‍‍ Snow brings many diverse emotions and outcomes; sometimes it can be ‍‍beautiful or it can bring the destruction of a city‍‍.‍‍‍‍‍ Snow isn't always fun and games! Snow Day, by Billy Collins is a cheerful poem that brings happy emotions to me. As we read that poem a small, old town covered in snow. The poem gave an impression that snow is a positive thing. In Beyond the Snow Belt, by Mary Oliver the emotions were scared and sad. Picture a horrible snow storm tearing down buildings and destroying everything in sight. In this poem ‍‍snow is a horrible thing. By using comparisons and looking at contrasts between the two poems, the poetic tools of symbolism, tone and imagery can provide insight into this set of poems.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Both poems are about snow and what it can be like. It shows the joy or sorrow snow can bring with it, In Snow Day‍‍ it's possible to ‍‍picture a beautiful bright day with soft snow falling. It has filled the streets and people are looking out their windows at the sight. Soon the reader finds out school has been cancelled. Life couldn't be any better. Now‍‍ the narrator tells how nice it is to just have to get a mug of hot chocolate and cuddle on the couch by the fire to read a book on a 'Snow Day'. The kids go outside and have snow ball fights and make snow angles. ‍‍The kids laugh and smile as they run around and quickly get white on their noses and eye lashes‍‍. The snow looks as soft as cotton. In Beyond the Snow Belt the snow has just settled down from a big storm. The sun has come out and all the kids come out to play. ‍‍Beautiful white snow ‍‍is falling like cotton balls from the sky. Parents watch their kids play from inside and smile. Everyone has looked past the negative and now looks at the beauty of the snow.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">There are many similarities and differences in both of the poems. In Snow Day its easy to visualize a picture perfect snowy day with sun and kids playing and no worries in the world. The other poem, Beyond the Snow Belt, paints a picture of a windy, stormy, snowy day that slowly turns into a nicer play day. This helps you to see both sides of snow, ‍‍the dark side but also the fun and magical side‍‍. Kids play and laugh in both of the poems. One is relaxing and one is uptight. In both poems though kids play and laugh.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">There are several differences in these two poems. One is the different kinds of snow. In Snow Day, its light and beautiful and fun. In Beyond the Snow Belt, its cold and scary and unforgiving. Kids play in laugh and have a good time and in the other people hide and peek out from their windows to see what's going on.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">All in all, Beyond the Snow Belt and Snow Day have lots of similarities and differences. As the reader, you can get two very different ideas of snow by reading these two poems. Snow can be fun and games or it can be a horrible disaster. Both sides are good and bad. Snow Day and Beyond the Snow Belt are two very good poems.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Brainstorming: She picked up the paint brush and started to paint. It wasn’t a normal painting though, it was dark with shadow like things in the background. As she painted there was a weird half smile on her face. English teacher lives in an old town

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">rough draft:

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">====== Stephanie Smith Susan Neilson Period. 4 Halloween Essay

<span style="display: block; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">In the Blink of an Eye <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">She picked up the old paint brush and began to paint. As she did, there was a strange half smile on her face. Paisley had always been a happy, excited girl. Her family was great and she had everything she could ever dream of. Except for one thing, her brother Joseph. He was the typical annoying little brother that seems to mess everything up. But one week can mess everything up. In the blink of an eye your entire world can change. Paisley’s parents, Mike and Diane, decided to go on a long trip for their 25th anniversary. That left Paisley being 18 in charge. One night while her parents were gone, she decided to throw a party at her house. They had a pool, fire pit and trampoline in their backyard so it was perfect. She quickly texted all her friends saying “Party at my house tonight. Be there!” and sent it. “Joseph are you going to tell mom and dad about this?” she asked with a worried look on her face. “Let me go out too!” He replied. “Fine!” Paisley answered back with a mad look on her face. At about 11:30, everyone started showing up. Joseph ran out the door the minute Paisleys football boyfriend, Chase, got there. Paisley was ok with that. She didn’t want him in the way. As everyone started showing up she forgot more and more about Joseph. While she was talking to her friends by the pool, out of the corner of her eye saw Chase and Joseph talking to each other. She stopped for a second but quickly went back to talking realizing she couldn’t have seen him. “Hey I have to go out and do something really quick.” Chase said as he went behind Paisley. “Try to be back soon” she replied with a smile on her face. Chase drove away without a second look back. Joseph was in the back of his Ford truck tied up and duct tape over his mouth. He slowly drove toward the forest behind his girlfriend’s house. He had a small shack in mind of where he was going to take Joseph. He stopped the truck and got out, not bothering to close the door behind him. He grabbed Joseph out of the truck and let him fall to the ground. Chase led him to the dark creepy cave in the mountains near his house. There were so many plants and vines growing around it you could never tell it was there. Making sure Joseph was tied to a large rock in the cave; Chase turned around and walked out. He quickly got into his car and drove away. By the time he got back to Paisley’s house everyone was leaving. He had been gone for 2 hours. Luckily on the way home he picked some flowers for Paisley to distract her from why he was gone for so long. Also hidden in his pocket was a ring he was waiting to give her at the perfect time. Chase walked in the front door and only saw a couple people in the house still hanging out. “Where’s Paisley?” he asked. “Outside.” someone replied. As soon as he got outside he could see Paisley in her beautiful pink dress laying on the trampoline looking at the stars. He quickly ran over to her and jumped on the trampoline. She screamed but smiled when she saw who it was. “Where were you for so long?” Paisley asked with a sad look on her face. “I just had to grab something.” Chase replied. At that moment he pulled out the ring and she gasped. “Paisley, will you marry me?” chase asked. Shocked but happy Paisley quickly said yes. All of the sudden they saw car lights coming up the road. It was three in the morning, and they thought 'who would be driving around this early?'. Then the garage door opened. Paisley ran into the house with Chase behind her right as her parents walked through the door. Mike had a terrified look on his face. Paisley quickly explains that they had a party and that’s why the house was a mess. “You both better clean this up by tomorrow.” Mike said still angry. “Where’s Joseph?” Diane asked. Right then Paisley looked around with a worried look on her face. “I have no idea. He went out with some friends last night and I haven’t seen him since.” Paisley said. Diane ran to the phone and called the police. She explained the situation and hung up. She turned around and fell to the ground. Whatever happens next we do not know. The author of the story left it at that.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Reader’s Worksheet My Name :Lindsey Landego Date :10-28-2013 1. Things I like about this writing: I really like the way you made the events happen, straight to the point 2. My favorite part is: When she decided to have a party because I know thats what any 18 year old would do (: 3. Here are some positive suggestions I think might be helpful: Try and be more clarifying about who you are speaking about. People dont always remmeber names so try to write who exactly is the one saying things and who is doing what 4. Here’s a question or two I have about the writing: I dont really understand the whole story plot, i dont really understand how it all fits together. 5. Here are my thoughts on your concerns/questions about your writing: 1. Be careful about your grammar, it still matters 2.Remember that your supposed to have specific charastics; you might want to double check that you have those 3.I really liked how you had so many twists and turns in the story i was never expecting what came next

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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Hana Date : 10/29/2013

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">1. Things I like about this writing: <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">intriguing <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">... grabs my attention and makes me want to keep reading!

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">2. My favorite part is:

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">the cool description of the creepy cave! 3. Here are some positive suggestions I think might be helpful:

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">4. Here’s a question or two I have about the writing:

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">who the deuce is Jane? This story seems very unfinished. I hope you finish it before it's due!

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">5. Here are my thoughts on your concerns/questions about your writing:

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">1.Explain...explain...explain... so many questions unanswered!

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">2. Try to add some depth to the characters, they seem very 'flat'.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">3. I love the story idea, just make sure that you use all the necessary characteristics for the contest.

//**__EMILY'S STORY__**// The dogs barked at the window as the wind blew against it, making a scratching sound. Katherine had no doubt in her mind that this time, for sure there was something strange going on outside as well as inside the house. Just as Katherine sat down at the table for dinner, there was a crashing sound from upstairs that made Katherine stop in her movement's. she stood up from the table slowly and turned towards the dark house she had once thought was empty. a few seconds later she heard footsteps upstairs right above her. Katherine's head followed the sound of the movements‍ above her; when they stopped she heard a door open, she froze with wide eyes and listened very closely, her ears straining for a sound. As the footsteps started again, she looked desperately rushing around the kitchen looking for something to protect her, until she finally gave up and reached for a frying pan in the corner. She heard a door shut, then again came the raspy sounds of the steps, but this time they were slowly creaking down the stairs. Each sound grew closer and closer. After a few minutes she heard a soft whisper from the stairs. “Katherine, I’m on the third step…. Katherine, I'm on the second step…. Katherine, I'm on the first step….. Katherine, I'm coming for you..... Katherine, you're going to die.” Katherine waited a few minutes to see is she could hear the ‍sounds again. Just when she thought it was over, she heard heavy breathing behind her. She slowly turns around and stood horrified at what she saw; she let out an ear piercing scream and…”


 * RING, RING........ RING, RING..... The sound of the phone made Carrie jump. She put aside her story for the ‍writer's‍ competition as she leaned over,‍‍picked up the phone, and said "Hello, Street Peak's Writing and Paranormal Psych Company,‍ this is Carrie how may I help you?" The man on the other end quickly answered sounding terrified "HELLO? HELLO? YES I AM CALLING TO TELL YOU TO PLEASE COME TO THE HOLLYWOOD BANKS HOTEL AND SUITES. I... I... I THINK MY ROOM IS HAUNTED. I KEEP HEARING STRANGE SOUND AND I KEEP SEEING A RED LIGHT IN MY BATHROOM KEY HOLE AND MY BATHROOM HAS BEEN LOCKED EVERY NIGHT SINCE I GOT MY ROOM. PLEASE HELP ME FIGURE OUT WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!” PLEASE HELP ME!” “Please sir, calm yourself down, we would love to help at this very moment, but, as you know we do have a lot of people who need our help right now. Are you willing to put ‍your name on the waiting list and we'll ‍call you ‍when we have an opening on a later date." "YES, YES PLEASE THAT WILL DO JUST FINE.” He took a deep breath in and said “I'm at the Hollywood Banks apartment complex on West Brooks Street, and my contact number is (453-894-9901).

When Carrie hung up the phone her boss had just walked ‍in, which‍ meant it was now time for her to leave. As she packed all of her stuff up into her bag she noticed an attachment on the computer that she didn't recognize. She was the only one who used this computer and she had no idea where this attachment could have come from. When she finally decided to ‍open it, what ‍was inside made her very frightened.

What lay inside were not only ‍pictures, but‍ videos of her in her everyday life, such as sitting at her desk working. A particular video heading caught Carries eye; it was one titled: July 16th 2012. Carrie immediately pushed back from her computer as if there was a rotten‍ smell coming from it that burned her nose. She looked once more at the date on the computer screen. As she stared, her boss walked by once again and Carrie grabbed his arm, and nearly ‍jumped on him to‍ stop him from leaving. She quickly asked him what the date was; he looked at her confused and angry and quickly reminded her that if she ever did that again, she would be fired.

As he was walking away he turned back and said “Oh, by the way it's July 16th. Anything else that you would like to know before I leave for the night Miss. Everton?” “Oh, uh... No thank you Mr. Walters. I'm very sorry!” “Miss. Everton?” Mr. Walters asked. “Yes?” Carrie said in reply

“Are you sure that you don’t need anything ‍else? You ‍seem very distraught. Has something happened that I should know about?” Carrie paused from a moment, wondering if she should tell Mr. Walters what she just found on her computer. When she finally answered, she said in‍ a very polite voice “No‍, sir. That is all. Thank you very much for your help. ‍And I really am sorry about grabbing you - nerves, I guess.”‍ “Very ‍well. If‍ you need anything at all just holler. I will be in my office for an hour or so ‍more, then‍ will be leaving, so feel free to come back if you need anything.” he turned slowly and walked away.

‍ Carrie swung her legs‍ to get the momentum to slide back to her computer and continue to look at the files. As she thought back to the whole day she remembered coming into the office at around seven-ish this morning. She thought about‍ what all had happened that day, but she didn't remember seeing anyone in the office or anyone leaving or coming in since about 4:00 this afternoon. She hadn't even remembered getting up to go to the bathroom since then. She was very frightened by the fact that a random file had been placed on her computer. She slowly dragged the ‍cursor‍ over to the file titled "July ‍16th". She‍ watched the video in terror, and noticed the ‍filming had been done just outside the door right across from her‍. She stopped what she was doing and walked up to the door. She ‍heard a crash from Mr. Walters’s office and sprinted toward the sound!

When she got to the office, she found Mr. Walters dead on the ground behind his desk. Carrie ‍peered behind the desk. To her horror she found his body all mangled and torn. His body was‍ in one place and his arms and legs had been detached from the rest of the body and were‍ laying there next to him. Her head started to spin from the sight of the dismantled body; she fell to the floor.

When Carrie ‍awoke she was in a hospital bed with an I.V. in her arm. She heard the steady beep........beep........beep from the heart monitor. She slowly peeled her eyes ‍open, and all‍ she saw was the light outline of a person. She heard a voice speaking, "Carrie you're awake, GREAT! I was starting to getting worried." ‍

Carries eyes fluttered open; she saw only bright lights. When her eyes fully adjusted to the change in light, Carrie saw her boss, Mr. Walters, standing over her, looking down at her. At first Carrie just looked at him, but when she finally realized she wasn't dreaming, she started to scream. Before she could make a sound Mr. Walters bounded over to the bed and covered ‍Carrie's‍ mouth, so no sound could come out. "Why are you ‍screaming? There ‍are other people in the room next to you and they are very sick. You don't want to wake them, do you? They need their sleep." He says threateningly, as if to keep anyone else from hearing what was going on in the room. Carrie lay there, unable to move. When Mr. Walters asked her what was going on and why she was looking at him in that way, she couldn't bring herself to tell him. Thank goodness the nurse came in and saved her by saying that visiting hours were over and that Mr. Walters had to leave!

The moment Mr. Walters left, Carrie called for the nurse. "Who was that man?" she asked nervously. The nurse shrugged her shoulders and said she didn't know, but she would be happy to find out. When the nurse left, Carrie turned off the lights, turned on the T.V that was set in the wall in front of her bed. She put on her head-phones, and changed the channel to ABC family. She watched The Lying Game. It was the season finale. This was the episode where Sutton, AKA Emma, meets her mother, and for the first time someone recognizes her as Emma, not Sutton. In the middle of the program, a breaking news announcement came on the air.

BREAKING NEWS:

"Jackson Walters, owner of Street Peeks Writing and Paranormal Psych Company, was found dead in his office earlier this week. Kaitlin has more with this story. Let’s go to her at the scene of the crime for more information on this."

Kaitlin: "Yes, we are now standing outside of his office building, as fire fighters and police crew work to get the body out. So far they have been in for an hour and have not gotten anything out. An anonymous caller called the police station to report the body just before opening this morning. She claims to have seen lights on in his office so she walked in to find his body dismantled and distorted. We are still trying to find out what happened and find out who or what could have done this to him."

Story board narrator: If you have any information on this topic we have been asked to have you please called the police. You can also contact us at 1-800-222-5252 or email us at breakingnews@storyboard.com. We would be happy with any information regarding this subject, thank you. Okay, that is all for the breaking news! Have a great night and join us at 10:00 tonight for our usual broadcast.

The minute that the broadcast ended Carrie called in the nurse. When the nurse came walking in, Carrie immediately broke down and told the nurse everything that she knew about what had happened. When the she finally finished the nurse looked flabbergasted. As the Nurse turned and started to slowly walk away Carrie yelled to her "YOU BELIEVE ME DON'T YOU?" the nurse paused for only a moment then continued to walk away.

A few minutes later the nurse walked back into the room with a doctor standing beside her. The tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed man has tan skin and was simply beautiful. He was wearing a name tag that stated his name was Dr. Michael. Peters. All Carrie can do is stare, open-mouthed, at the doctor standing before her. He approached her with a glistening white smile and said, "Hello Miss Everton. Would you be willing to tell me what you told my assistant Miss. Walker? It is very important that you tell me everything so I can make sure everything is okay." Carrie told the doctor everything from the phone call, all the way to the point of meeting Dr. Peters just a few minutes ago.

When Carrie finished, Dr. Peters calmly informed Carrie what his thoughts were. "Miss. Everton, considering what you have told me and the information that I have gathered, I am very certain that you suffer from a mental disorder called schizophrenia. Now, there are a few things that we can do to help you with this." In the middle of Dr. Peter's consultation, Carrie started to scream and yell frantically. Dr. Peters calmly sat down next to her and listened.

"Is this mockery? I am no psychotic maniac that sees, hears and talks to things that are not there. I saw my boss dead on the floor and just before I called the nurse in, I heard and saw the News Broadcast saying that Mr. Walters was found dead. I'M NOT CRAZY!" "Have you finished?" Dr. Peters said calmly, "We would be happy to help you find a place that can help you with this. I know that this can't be easy finding out this way and I am truly sorry, but it is best to get help with these kinds of things." Dr. Peters waves his hand at the nurse and she scampers off. "We will help you find you a good safe place where you will feel right at home." Carrie stared at him in disbelief; she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

When the nurse came back she was holding a little blue piece of paper, which she hands to the doctor, eyeing him. He replied with a smile and a soft thank-you; then the nurse hurried off. Dr Peters handed the little blue piece of paper to Carrie, and smiled as he said; "We have saved you a room in this mental hospital, it's called Mount Vista. It is very nice there and the people are very nice, plus I heard that the food is to die for." Carrie cringed at the words "to die for". She was not in the mood for more death, even is it was just a saying. "We will have a car come and pick you up from here in the morning." Dr. Peters stood up and started to walk away. He then turned when he got to the door and spoke softly, "Oh, and don't try to run away, because we will find you, and we will get you. Trust me when I say to you, you don't want to be found by us after we tried so very, very, hard to help you."

Carrie cringes at his words again. Panicked, she packed all her things into her bag and waited until midnight (when all the lights are off in the hospital) to sneak away from the scary place she was in. She peeked down the hall to see if anyone was watching and saw two nurses gossiping about a cute new Doctor that came just a few days ago. As soon as they turn around she raced out of the room, down the hall to the elevator, and out the front doors.

She ran all the way to the busiest street corner and flagged down a taxi. Carrie told him to please drive to the nearest hotel. When they pulled up at the Hollywood Banks Hotel and Suites, Carrie got out and walked into the brightly lit hotel. When she walked through the sliding double doors she was hit with a burst of cool air on her face, blowing her hair back away from her face. As she walked past the front desk she heard a voice that she recognizes. She does not remember from where she recognizes it, but she remembers the voice from somewhere. Carrie just shook her head and walked over to the front desk. The man behind the desk just stared at Carrie in disbelief. After, she decided to go down to the bar get a drink and get a good meal in her stomach. Slipping into the bathroom, Carrie put on the nicest thing she found in her bag, which was a tight fitted, navy blue cocktail dress with a flower pinned to the the front, leftover from a party that she remembered going to just days ago. She slid the dress on over her sharp, bony back and pulled the straps softly and carefully over each shoulder. She slid into her heels and walked out the door. When she got down to the dining room she heard a piano playing softly in the background with people talking loudly. It was a perfect place she could be with just herself and enjoy a nice fancy dinner alone, while not feeling too lonely, and enjoy being out of the hospital.

Carrie stood very patiently, waiting for the host to come seat her at a table. She stood there for nearly 5 minutes waiting for the host. When she noticed a waiter sitting just a few feet away, she walked over to him and asked to be seated, but when he did not turn around or even acknowledge that she was present, Carrie started to yell at the man, demanding that he answer her immediately. As Carrie yelled she noticed that no one in the room was turning around to see what all the commotion was, no acknowledgments at all whatsoever. Carrie got sick of waiting and of yelling so she decided that she would go back up to the lobby. As she walked past the front desk again the man behind it from earlier called for her. Carrie turned slowly and looking confused and a bit creeped out. "Wait, can you see and hear me?" "The man looked at Carrie puzzled.” Of course I can see you. Why would I not see you?" Carrie replied with a fake laugh "Ha, well the waiters over there seem to not be able to see me. I'm invisible to them. It's like I’m not even there. "I know why no one can see you, Carrie Everton."

Carrie was even more freaked out that this man knew who she was. She had never met him before till just the few minutes before. "How do you know me and how do you know my name? I just met you." "I hate to break it to you... But you’re dead. You died like 3 days ago. The story was all over the news." "What? What do you mean I’m dead? And what is the story that is all over the news?" Carrie says jumping in. "Well... the story is that you were at your office and your boss came in, then all of a sudden you went crazy and killed him." "No, no, no I didn't kill him! Why are people saying that I killed him?" "Well, word on the street is that you have schizophrenia and you kind of had an episode, lost it and attacked him. You dismembered his body and then you jumped out the window so that you didn't have to answer questions and deal with the consequences." "BUT HOW DO THEY KNOW IT"S ME? WHY DON'T I REMEMBER ANY OF THIS?" "The surveillance camera, Carrie. There is one right outside the door in your office. Then, there is also one in Mr. Walters’s office. I know this because I was the one that installed the cameras. When Mr. Walters kept getting frightening messages from an anonymous person he asked that the office start to be watched around the clock.” "Well how do you explain me at the hospital? Huh? Why was I there if I was already dead?" "Carrie, for some time now, you have been suicidal. When you tried to kill yourself to get away from the voices the last time, you were admitted into a hospital to help you recover. If I am correct you had a flashback that mixed with the modern day before you hit the ground and you must have thought that it was real life." "How do you know all this stuff about me and how can you see me if I am dead?" Carrie replies in a stammer. "I’m dead too, and I am your younger brother Matthew. I can’t believe you don’t remember me. I died when I was 15 years old; you went crazy because of a fight. You refused to believe that mom and dad were gone forever after you killed them. You thought that mom was having an affair with your boss. So, you went in to mom and dad’s room, thinking that dad was Mr. Walters, and shot them both. When I reminded you of it you got so angry and scared that you killed me trying to get rid of all the witnesses. You hit me in the neck with an ice pick, it severed my spine and the minute the air hit inside my body I died. Carrie, I’m sorry that you had to go through all this stuff to find this out. The best part of the afterlife is that there is no hurt, pain, or anything. You simply can’t feel anything anymore; its great! You know, I always looked up to you. You were and always will be me big sister and I will always love you, no matter what. Now, if you are ready, we can go see mommy and daddy.” As Matthew puts out his hand, Carrie slowly grabs his fingers and tangles her fingers in his and they walk behind the front desk, and disappear into the light. As the lights go out you can hear Carrie's soft faint voice whispering “It’s not over yet, hehe, it’s just the beginning.”

__//**<span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">Hana: 10/27/2013: **//__

<span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">//__1. Things I like about this writing__//:
 * <span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS THE KILLER UNTIL THE END! **

__//<span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">2. My favorite part is: //__
 * <span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">when she is talking to Matthew in the end **
 * <span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">(also the random ice pick) **

//__<span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">3. Here are some positive suggestions I think might be helpful: __//
 * <span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">I edited the crappppppp out of it, so I have no suggestions **
 * <span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">oh wait, it would be hilarious if the bit at the beginning Carrie was writing was super flamboyant and used huge words. **

//__<span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">4. Here’s a question or two I have about the writing: __//
 * <span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">why was matthew randomly in the hotel and what happened to the crazy dude saying he saw a ghost? **
 * <span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">OR WAS THE GHOST MATTHEW??? OMG PLEASE ADD THAT **

//__<span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">5. Here are my thoughts on your concerns/questions about your writing: __// <span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">1. **I am going to save this on my flash drive** 2. **I metaphorically hid my head and cried** 3. **<span style="color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue',Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px;">there needs to be a T.v. episode based on this or something **

= Essay #2: Halloween Story =

<range type="comment" id="456299144_1"> </range id="456299144_1">

Story
_FRIENDS <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Cambria,serif;">by Hana_Whitehorn

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">My fingers hurt. I have been at this for hours.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">This coding is so long and it is taking forever to translate.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">I wonder if I will go to bed <range type="comment" id="459647914_1">tonight? Probably not.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">My name is Matt and I live in an apartment in Queens, New York. I have this job as a programmer for a company called Requios, <range type="comment" id="459647914_2">who pay me for working from</range id="459647914_2"> the comfort of my own home. It is nice; except for I don’t get out much. My house is always very dark, and I am often tired. But I have a lot of friends.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">Last year something significant happened to me. Let me see if I can remember…

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">Matt walked over to Lee & Lee <range type="comment" id="459647914_3">grocer’s</range id="459647914_3"> to pick up some groceries, as well as a little something else…

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">“Oh, can I help you sir?” An older woman smiled at Matt and held up a basket of grapes. “Would you like to try a fresh grape?” Matt smiled back at the woman and picked out an especially juicy-looking red grape. “Thank you.” Matt, with his basket full, looked over at a selection of fresh flowers, ranging from ‍velvety scarlet roses to a mix of yellow tulips and sunflowers. He picked up a bouquet of red and pink roses, and then checked out at the self- register. He loaded the bags into his little silver Honda, and drove over to the local cafe. A girl dressed in a lacy blue sundress ‍sat at an outside table, and was looking up at the doves sitting on the telephone wire above her table "Hello, sweetheart". Her blue eyes were the same color as the sky, and she looked over and smiled at Matt. Matt smiled back at Sophie and sat down at the table with ‍his girlfriend‍, presenting her with the flowers he had <range type="comment" id="459647914_4">purchased</range id="459647914_4"> earlier. "What's new?" asked Matt. Matt's girlfriend told him about her recent job offer at the boutique, and he kissed her and told her how proud he was. They talked and talked over their Cappuccinos, then loaded into Matt’s Honda, and drove‍ off through New York in search of adventure.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">*CRASH!!!* It happened so fast Matt scarcely saw anything coming. The truck had pulled out without warning, and the hood of his car had collided with the side of the Wal-Mart logo. The crumpled, but somehow still beautiful shape next to him slumped over, her hand clasped in his as a last reflex of safety. The rose petals were much redder now <range type="comment" id="459647914_5">from</range id="459647914_5"> blood, and ‍reflected‍ the <range type="comment" id="459647914_6">silhouette</range id="459647914_6"> of the approaching ambulance.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">Matt sat by the hospital bed, looking forlornly at the doctors and nurses scrambling about like ants, looking for something but not ever finding it. Matt attended the funeral and sat next to her parents. He drowned the sound of tears and sermons, and replaced them with that of his own breathing.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">Months passed and Matt's sadness ebbed a bit, but he found himself spending more time on the computer to be able to cope. He was checking his emails again, almost back to a normal routine... A chat window popped up.
 * --Chat at 4:30pm—- ||

Matt: hello?

Title: Hi Matt!

Matt: Do I know you?

Title: no :)

Title: but I bet we’ll be good friends.

Matt: um… is this a joke?


 * --Chat at 5:00pm—- ||

Title: Hello again!

Matt: you again

Matt: what the heck does your name even mean? i mean, like the title of a movie, or what?

Title: <range type="comment" id="459647914_7">It was the name I was born with, thank you. >:(</range id="459647914_7">

Matt: oh, sorry.

Title: It's okay.

Title: Anyway, look closer.

Matt: at what?

Title: The screen

Title: In the corner

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">Matt leaned in closer at the screen and saw a small dot in the corner.

Matt: what

Matt: are you referring to the dot

Title: Hel-lo! ;D

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;"><range type="comment" id="459647914_8">The dot grew until it looked like a small yellow man with simple cartoon-like features, a tail instead of legs, a wisp of hair the same color as his body, and with very sharp teeth. He was smiling a large grin right at Matt.</range id="459647914_8">

Matt: WHAT

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">The little yellow man that was Title waved at him and flew around his computer.

Matt: <range type="comment" id="459647914_9">this is so cool! it's like i have a little buddy in my p.c. !</range id="459647914_9">

Title: Let's play a game.

Matt: uhh, sure.

Matt: as long as it's not tetris. i seriously am terrible at tetris.

Title: I'm going to send you an e-mail, which you need to forward to three other people.

Title: With each e-mail you send, I'll invite one of my friends over.

Matt: sure! more computer-buddies!

<range type="comment" id="459647914_10">Title: Yum.

Matt:?</range id="459647914_10">

Title: Great job! You sent the e-mail to three other people! Title: And as promised... Matt: oh boy oh boy

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">More figures appeared on-screen. One was purple with long hair, one was green with a ponytail, and one was blue with a short flat haircut. They all had the same sharp teeth as Title.

Matt: Hello, buddies! Flow: Hi Matt!!!( ﾉ ´ ヮ ´) ﾉ *: ･ﾟ✧ Puzzle: Hello Matt. Noise: Hey Matt. Title Hel-lo! Matt: heheheh, you guys are so cute
 * --Chat at 2:55am—- ||

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">Over time, Matt sent out more e-mails, and even figured out how to send the figures to his friends, who were delighted. Sometimes he would have <range type="comment" id="459647914_11">lively </range id="459647914_11">conversations with the figures, and go to sleep at an absurdly late time. He also ate less, and had frequent bolting <range type="comment" id="459647914_12">pain</range id="459647914_12"> in his back.

Title: What shall we do today?

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">Matt’s computer screen suddenly lit up dramatically.

Puzzle: Let’s introduce you to something.

Puzzle: It’s called Requios.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">The “downloads” window popped up and began downloading an app called “Req1”.

Title: Open it.

Matt: but it could be a virus!

Flow: You trust us, don’t you, Matt? <range type="comment" id="459647914_13"><( ￣ ︶￣ )></range id="459647914_13">

Title: After all, we are your Friends!

Matt: yes… i guess so.

Matt: of course i trust my friends.

Title: Flow: THEN OPEN IT.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">Matt clicked “accept”, and various windows started appearing, filled with scrolling text, <range type="comment" id="459647914_14">and </range id="459647914_14">some with binary code.

Title: Hello Matt

Noise: You work for us now.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">BACK TO THE PRESENT

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">Rachel was the proud leader of her school’s G<range type="comment" id="459647914_15">reen Team</range id="459647914_15">. She had gotten the most badges out of all her peers, and was in charge of giving out fliers. Her only difficulty was direction, so she walked around with a GPS attached to her belt. She thought that she looked very professional. It was getting dark out, and she was following her G.P.S. back to her house. A Wal-Mart truck suddenly <range type="comment" id="459647914_16">drove by way too close to the flooded gutter,</range id="459647914_16"> and sprayed Rachel with some muddy water. She heard a fizz, and looked down at her dead G.P.S. “Aww MAN! Freakin’ Gas-Guzzler!” Rachel shook off the water, and looked around for a light in one of the apartments so she could ask for directions.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">She knocked on a red door. “Hello?” “¿Que quieras? Mis ninos estan en la cama!”

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">“Oh… Um… I’m sorry for stepping on your squirrel!” The woman in the doorway slapped her forehead and politely waved her away. “ir a casa…” said the woman as she closed her door.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">Rachel scratched her head as she contemplated what to do next. It was then that she noticed a <range type="comment" id="459647914_17">dim, flickering</range id="459647914_17">light coming from an apartment higher up. She decided to ask‍ whoever lived there‍. Rachel climbed the stairs up to the next level, and knocked on the door. It slammed open and she stepped back sharply. In a split second she tripped over nothing, and the door pushed her inside before closing as abruptly as it had opened. What lay in front of her was much larger that it appeared on the outside. A wide concrete tunnel stretched out in front of her, and then turned downwards, with cables and wires sticking out from the sides. "Aaaaaah!" Rachel turned around and banged on the door with all the strength she had until her knuckles were bleeding a bit. She slouched down, and looked back at the concrete tunnel's gaping mouth. She kicked at a bit of shrapnel on the ground, and it plummeted<range type="comment" id="459647914_19"> down into the tunnel, making distant sounds as it fell.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">Rachel walked cautiously over to the tunnel, and peered over the edge to see what was down there. She saw a faint light <range type="comment" id="459647914_20">glittering</range id="459647914_20">, and she figured it was some sort of construction project. "Hello? I can't seem to get out of here! Is anyone down there?" Rachel heard a snapping, and something lit up at her feet that she was sure<range type="comment" id="459647914_21">hadn't been</range id="459647914_21"> there before. It was a ladder leading down into the tunnel, lit up by lights on the ends of some wires that were protruding from the walls. "Thank you!" Rachel put one foot in front of the other and descended down the ladder.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">Upon reaching the bottom, Rachel hopped off the ladder, and wiped some dust from her pants before looking around. The tunnel continued onward, and she could see computer monitors covering the walls. A streak of blue ran along the screens, and then seemed to even wave at her, beckoning her onward. As Rachel continued to walk, the walls became twisting cables instead of concrete, and it became harder to traverse. The tunnel was silent <range type="comment" id="459647914_22">save for </range id="459647914_22">the sound of her footsteps, breathing, and a distant low hum. Rachel tripped over a loose cable and lost her shoe. She had to stop and put it on again, tapping it into place. The blue light waited for her. Finally Rachel encountered a large metal door. The blue light zipped around the screen next to it, and the doors gradually creaked open. Rachel peeked inside.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">A slouched figure slowly turned and looked up at her. He was sitting at a computer, and his eyes were bloodshot and filmy. Wires protruded from his spine and arms, leading to enormous cables that hooked up to an equally enormous CP unit that seemed to be emerging from the wall. The wires sticking from him reminded Rachel of a spiderweb, and the man seemed to a fly stuck in it's trap. He mumbled at her softly and indiscernibly, his words were calm but their message seemed urgent. Liquid oozed from his mouth, and his brow furrowed. A large screen overhead showed a small yellow man with simple cartoon-like features, a tail instead of legs, a wisp of hair the same color as his body, and very sharp teeth. <range type="comment" id="459647914_23">He was flying around the screen when he stopped abruptly</range id="459647914_23">.

Title: Matt.

Title: Kill her.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">The man sitting at the computer stood up, and some wires snapped. He continued to drool. He threw ‍a blue flash of electricity ‍from one of the snapped wires at Rachel, and she shook violently, and then landed in a heap. The towering CP unit sent out threads of metal that picked Rachel up like a baby, then set her down in an empty chair.<range type="comment" id="459647914_24"> Wires attached themselves to her spine, and they throbbed, almost like they were sucking at her</range id="459647914_24">. Matt sat down at his computer ‍again, and the wires re-attached themselves to his body, reconnecting him to the grand electronic spiderweb.

Title: Good job, Matt.

Title: You are truly loyal. :)

Title: Now, more e-mails to send! We have much to do! ~

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif;"><range type="comment" id="459647914_25">Tears swelled from Matt's bulbous eyes, and they </range id="459647914_25">rolled down and fizzed on the keyboard.‍

Lily Katherine Gillett ‍ Susan Neilson Period 4

Comparing and Contrasting Poems:

Brainstorming- Impression I got from Dover Beach: I felt relaxed from this poem but not quite so lighthearted. The first 6 lines made it seem like it was going to be a lighthearted relaxed poem. A line that made me think this was, " <range type="comment" id="449726142_1">‍‍ Glimmering and vast; out on the tranquil bay. </range id="449726142_1">‍‍ " <range type="comment" id="452771632_1">‍‍ Lines 7-14 give a dramatic turn to the poem and make it seem stressful and sad </range id="452771632_1">‍‍. I felt like the author is turning something usually peaceful and quiet in to something very sad and heavy. The author says, Sophocles- the ancient man said this long ago! Sophocles made it seem like the sound of the North Sea was sad and somewhat melancholy. The Sea of Faith is mentioned in the following stanza and <range type="comment" id="450049578_1">‍‍ I think what the author means by all of this is that the Sea of Faith used to be full and now it has turned in to only just doubt </range id="450049578_1">‍‍. This is extremely metaphorical; something feels missing when the Sea is slowly emptying. In the last stanza, it starts out talking about love. <range type="comment" id="452771632_2">‍‍<range type="comment" id="453411404_1">‍‍ To </range id="453411404_1">‍‍ when mentioning love, the author seems almost like he is mocking the ignorance of love. The world lies before us like a world of dreams explains the author but is really filled with so much sadness and exhaustion. </range id="452771632_2">‍‍ Just in our daily lives we are faced with things that hurt us on the inside and blend our souls up. The ending statement, <range type="comment" id="453411404_2">‍‍ to me </range id="453411404_2">‍‍, means, we as people are stuck here all in stabbing pain yet we are still dazed and confused. <range type="comment" id="452771632_3">‍‍ We on not "for sure" on anything. We are human. </range id="452771632_3">‍‍ Impression I got from Ozymandias: There is another person that this author met that had met a traveler. The meeting of this traveler feels like it meant a great deal to this author. The traveler is taking about his native land and they speak of two great big legs made of stone coming out of the sandy ground. Nearby the rest of the body lies, by the carving you could tell that this is a statue of a ruler who is vain and commanding. The ruler or king has an expression on his face that is mean and fierce. The sculptor and his subject are both dead now, only leaving behind this lifeless "stamped" sculpture. <range type="comment" id="452771632_5">‍‍ The king used to <range type="comment" id="453411404_3">‍‍ mean so much </range id="453411404_3">‍‍ with his arrogant face and now he <range type="comment" id="450664392_2">‍‍ means almost nothing. </range id="452771632_5">‍‍ He has little to no meaning anymore, he is just a sad decaying sculpture. <range type="comment" id="452771632_6">‍‍ It makes <range type="comment" id="453411404_4">‍‍ me </range id="453411404_4">‍‍ sad that after this life, after generations, our legend melts away and nobody thinks of us again. </range id="452771632_6">‍‍

Roughish Drafty What I feel the two have in common: Both of the poems start out as if they will leave a lasting impression of light on my heart. During my first scanning, <range type="comment" id="452771632_7">‍‍<range type="comment" id="453411404_5">‍‍ I </range id="453411404_5">‍‍ was not prepared to process what came after the first few lines of each of these pieces of art. </range id="452771632_7">‍‍ There is a darkness that lies writhing the simple words of this writing, there is a sadness that lies in it that you can feel with your heart. In Dover Beach it talks about a Sea of Faith no longer being full; this has a lot in common with nothing remaining in the poem Ozymandias. This gives a feel that something is missing from both of these aspects. <range type="comment" id="450664392_1">‍‍<range type="comment" id="452771632_8">‍‍ The way the desert and the Sea are described, it seems almost as if the land forms are never-ending </range id="452771632_8">‍‍. It was as if the journey could never end and everything would always be restless with no relief. </range id="450664392_1">‍‍ What I feel the two contrast: There are obvious traits in both poems that are blatantly different. For example the Titles and Authors are obviously different. <range type="comment" id="450935922_1">‍‍ But, the symbolism and metaphorical language is what really matters! </range id="450935922_1">‍‍ Poems have the power to make you experience <range type="comment" id="450935922_2">‍‍ feelings </range id="450935922_2">‍‍ and ponder haunting questions; that is the reason we remember them and read them in the first place. The "never-ending" land forms are different in these poems. In Dover Beach, the land form is an ocean where as in Ozymandias, the land form is a vast sandy <range type="comment" id="450935922_3">‍‍ desert </range id="450935922_3">‍‍. Also, In Dover Beach, at the end, I felt like I was ignorant. If you've ever read __ The Catcher in the Rye __, there <range type="comment" id="452771632_9">‍‍ is a symbolism with the word "Yellow" </range id="452771632_9">‍‍. After I read this poem, I felt yellow. I felt like the author is trying to produce melancholy words to make me feel weak and cowardly. I felt like I was all but a speck in the universe who really had little to no meaning; in <range type="comment" id="450935922_4">‍‍ Ozymandias I felt like others were ignorant and confused in their thinking. I felt superior for not being this king, which is sort of ironic considering the </range id="450935922_4">‍‍ subject matter. My conclusion: These two poems have <range type="comment" id="450935922_5">‍‍obvious similarities and differences. Quite logically, the poems have different Authors and different titles. But, I dug deeper than just the usual and analyzed their true similar and contrasting traits. I <range type="comment" id="450935922_6">‍‍tapped</range id="450935922_6">‍‍ in to the feelings it gave me and the impression it made on my small but mighty mind. These beautifully written poems give the reader new found knowledge and deep feelings every time they read it.<range type="comment" id="452771632_10">‍‍ <range type="comment" id="450935922_7">‍‍Whoever said a picture was worth a thousand words? I say, a few words are worth a thousand pictures.</range id="452771632_10">‍‍ </range id="450935922_7">‍‍

Lily Gillett Susan Neilson Final Draft September 17, 2013

"‍‍Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule." (Buddha) O‍‍ne‍‍ can learn so much from another; every person has something remarkable to offer. In poems ‍‍an individual is put ‍‍in to‍‍ a world that is someone else's completely, and are challenged to interpret what is said and the feelings it brings. Poems have the power to make you experience feelings and ponder haunting questions; that is the reason we remember them and read them in the first place. In the poems Dover Beach by Matthew Arnold and Ozymandias by Percy Shelley, humans‍‍ are challenged with interpreting their art.‍‍ Both poems scream‍‍ philosophical messages about being in a disturbed state and not knowing how to backtrack to peace‍‍.

In Ozymandias, ‍‍the narrator mentions‍‍ a grandiose statue of a king. This king has little to no‍‍ meaning anymore. The ruler or king has an expression on his face that is arrogant and fierce. The sculptor and his subject are both dead now, only leaving behind this lifeless <range type="comment" id="453411404_10">‍‍"stamped"</range id="453411404_10">‍‍ sculpture. The king used to<range type="comment" id="453411404_11">‍‍ mean a leader to his followers with his cruel face, and now he is the equivalent to a <range type="comment" id="453411404_12">‍‍feces-covered</range id="453411404_12">‍‍ cockroach laying dead in the sand.

<range type="comment" id="453411404_13">‍‍Dover beach by Matthew Arnold has a different view on ignorance. In Dover Beach, readers get the feeling that they are ignorant and that there is so much in life that is left unexplained. "Amidst the confusion of the times, the conflicts of conscience, and the turmoil of daily living, an abiding faith becomes an anchor to our lives."(Thomas S. Monson) Monson, who happens to be the religious leader of the LDS church, challenges the idea that we are "for sure" on anything. He states that faith is like a big anchor holding us down in life; what if someone is lost at sea without an anchor? In Dover Beach, we feel as if we are at sea without an anchor. In Dover Beach, faith is missing. In Dover Beach it talks about a Sea of Faith no longer being full; this has a lot in common with nothing remaining in the poem Ozymandias. This gives a feel that something is missing from both of these aspects. The way the desert and the Sea are described, it seems almost as if the land forms are never-ending. It was as if the journey could never end and everything would always be restless with no relief.

These two poems have obvious similarities and differences. Quite logically, the poems have different Authors and different titles. But, as one digs deeper they find more meaning. These beautifully written poems give the reader new found knowledge and deep feelings every time they read it. Whoever said a picture was worth a thousand words? A few words are worth a thousand pictures.

__<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Grading Rubric __ <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-align: center;">100 possible points
 * || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">6

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">20-18 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">5

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">17-14 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">4

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">13-9 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">3

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">8-6 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">2

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">5-3 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">1

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">0-2 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">Grade Earned ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Meaning ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly. The paper points to specific examples to illustrate the comparison. The paper includes only the information relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly, but the supporting information is general. The paper includes only the information relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly, but the supporting information is incomplete. The paper may include information that is not relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper had some attempts at compare and/or contrasting but it does not use support from the poems. There is plot summary and some information that is not relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">This paper had little or no attempt at making a comparison or contrast between the two poems. It has possible attempts at understanding the assigned task, but there are no true connections made. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Provides no evidence of understanding. The response makes no connections between the poems and the assigned task. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">18 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Organization ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure. It follows a consistent order when discussing the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure but does not follow a consistent order when discussing the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure, but some information is in the wrong section. Some details are not in a logical or expected order, and this distracts the reader. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is some structure but it is difficult to follow and does not follow the whole-to-whole, similarities-to differences, or point-by point structure. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper has a main idea, but lacks the focus and organization needed. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper shows no organization nor is there an attempt to have structure. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">19 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Development ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper moves smoothly from one idea to the next. The paper uses comparison and contrast to examine poetic elements. The paper cites specific evidence from the texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper uses some literary elements to compare/contrast the poems. There is sometimes evidence from the texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is an idea of literary elements, but there is no evidence from texts in the compare/contrast essay. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Makes an attempt at using literary elements to compare/contrast texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Does not attempt to include literary elements in paper. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There are no attempts to literary elements to compare/contrast texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">18 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Language use ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper uses a variety of sentence structures and transitions. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper attempts some sentence variety and use of vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is little or no variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is no variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Uses language that is inappropriate for audience and purpose or demonstrates a lack of meaning. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">At times the language is incoherent. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">18 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Conventions ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes no errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes 1-2 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes 3-4 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">More than 4 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the readers from the author’s point. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Demonstrates lack of control and lack of proofreading. There are frequent errors that make the author’s point hard to understand. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper is full of grammatical and spelling errors that make it difficult or impossible to understand. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">17 ||
 * ^  ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Total ||
 * ^  ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;"><range type="comment" id="458384762_1"><range type="comment" id="463390862_1">90</range id="463390862_1"> ||

= SOPHIES =

**<range type="comment" id="450929178_1">‍‍Dover Beach** - Matthew Arnold‍ **Ozymandias** - Percy Bysshe Shelley

Both of these poems create a dialectic world where a tranquil ode to nature, won’t prevail; and all good things will come to an end. They show much this calmness can excite those who do not see it. Shelly's Ozymandias shortness indicates little thought yet plenty meaning. Looking at the emotions and story portrayed.


 * Sophie's Plan ** :
 * 1) 1 . <range type="comment" id="450922058_1">‍‍I am using Ozymandias and Dover Beach as my two poems.</range id="450922058_1">‍‍
 * 2) 2 . The introduction will compare the first glance at the two poems and my brief synopsis of the nature of the poem.
 * 3) 3 . In the second paragraph, I will compare the poems setting, time, metaphors and similes of the emotional struggle.
 * 4) 4 . In the Third, I will describe my intake of the comparisons of nature in each poem and the possible meanings and oppinions that other people have gathered (in text citations).
 * 5) 5 . In The fourth paragraph I will explain the emotions that link to each of the poems and the ending statement from each.
 * 6) 6 . In the fifth paragraph I'll talk about each poet and his technics to get the points intended across to the audience, who was the target audience, and ideas on why the poem was written. I should end it with a personal thought, but not one that is judgmental of either poem.


 * Author’s Worksheet ** :

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Name:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Please look for these items/issues in my paper and give me feedback.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">1:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">2:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">3:

Reader’s Worksheet :
<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">My Name : Date :

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">1. Things I like about this writing:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">2. My favorite part is:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">3. Here are some positive suggestions I think might be helpful:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">4. Here’s a question or two I have about the writing:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">5. Here are my thoughts on //your// concerns/questions about your writing:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">1.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">2.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">3.

=The essay=

Ozymandias and Dover beach are just specks of the many influential poems that have been evaluated, reviewed, and judged for years. As i read these poems for the first time they reminded me of a very popular form of writing, and art in early Victorian, Tudor age called romanticism. In which the craze started around the rein of Napoleon in the early feuding of paganism and Christianity in Europe.These two poems explore the thrones of love and man's struggle against the unforgiving nature of time. As we look through these romantic ballads, this text will include many excess quotes ideas, and conclusions about these famous poems. Ozymandias starts us with an immediate dive into the mood, and factual heart of Percy's grasp upon surreal happenings. It uses an emotional eye, his sentence about an unforgiving, hard, appeal to words power in the entry. "which yet survive stamped on these lifeless things,". Dover beach, with Mathew's tall personality of the poem starts us off with a gentle factual frame about bodies of water. Calm, still, and collected,we later discover the sea he is referring to is a daunting approach to love and its influence.The rounding, strong words that each writer chooses suggests way of a commanding environment without rest. Having looked through the many reviews and comments about the poems, and many of them surround the emptiness and loneliness of the usage in the end of Ozymandias, specifically "The lone and level sands stretch far away". These words brought such attention that in each of the poems in spite of Ozymandias's shortness, They both have a rather mysterious hem with wonder and muse. A very popular theme that people are drawn to is emptiness, Matthew Arnold and P. B. Shelly are very well accredited with their take on glory and fame with not only these sonnets, but rather many of their works. Emotion and feeling are the two elements of all literature that sew great works into place. These two given poems emotions are the things that truly draw the reader in, give him a sort of connection to take. Speaking of identifying the emotions connected to the words themselves, they give a feel of darkness, anger, and temp-racy unsettled strangeness. There is a unity that Dover Beach give, containing the old, reoccurring shadows of death in power. The poets' emotions almost turn to grief in a turn of line, highly influencing the humanity of the poems. These two poems being widely known, show much effort and thought through an audience of many. Poetry, and many collections of poems were very popular in their times. P. B. Shelly's poem, Ozymandias, was published in an English paper, being read by many people, successfully mystifying those who read it. Matthew Arnold had a very specific job title of Her Majesty's Inspector of Schools, in which he was commonly referred to as a sage writer. Seeing that this was one of his earlier poems, he has many other works. Personally i think that these poems show a very gripping nod to the far reaches of humanities importance though any sort of leadership, which highly interests me.

__<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Grading Rubric __ <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-align: center;">100 possible points
 * || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">6

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">20-18 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">5

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">17-14 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">4

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">13-9 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">3

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">8-6 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">2

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">5-3 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">1

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">0-2 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">Grade Earned ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Meaning ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly. The paper points to specific examples to illustrate the comparison. The paper includes only the information relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly, but the supporting information is general. The paper includes only the information relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly, but the supporting information is incomplete. The paper may include information that is not relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper had some attempts at compare and/or contrasting but it does not use support from the poems. There is plot summary and some information that is not relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">This paper had little or no attempt at making a comparison or contrast between the two poems. It has possible attempts at understanding the assigned task, but there are no true connections made. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Provides no evidence of understanding. The response makes no connections between the poems and the assigned task. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">15 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Organization ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure. It follows a consistent order when discussing the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure but does not follow a consistent order when discussing the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure, but some information is in the wrong section. Some details are not in a logical or expected order, and this distracts the reader. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is some structure but it is difficult to follow and does not follow the whole-to-whole, similarities-to differences, or point-by point structure. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper has a main idea, but lacks the focus and organization needed. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper shows no organization nor is there an attempt to have structure. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">15 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Development ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper moves smoothly from one idea to the next. The paper uses comparison and contrast to examine poetic elements. The paper cites specific evidence from the texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper uses some literary elements to compare/contrast the poems. There is sometimes evidence from the texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is an idea of literary elements, but there is no evidence from texts in the compare/contrast essay. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Makes an attempt at using literary elements to compare/contrast texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Does not attempt to include literary elements in paper. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There are no attempts to literary elements to compare/contrast texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">17 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Language use ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper uses a variety of sentence structures and transitions. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper attempts some sentence variety and use of vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is little or no variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is no variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Uses language that is inappropriate for audience and purpose or demonstrates a lack of meaning. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">At times the language is incoherent. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">17 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Conventions ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes no errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes 1-2 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes 3-4 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">More than 4 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the readers from the author’s point. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Demonstrates lack of control and lack of proofreading. There are frequent errors that make the author’s point hard to understand. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper is full of grammatical and spelling errors that make it difficult or impossible to understand. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">13 ||
 * ^  ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Total ||
 * ^  ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;"><range type="comment" id="463390862_2">81 </range id="463390862_2"> ||

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">My Name : **Emily** Date **9-28-30**

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">1. Things I like about this writing:
 * I** **like the words that you used. They made you sound very**
 * educated but they were not to big to not under stand and**
 * you also used them very well in your sentences.**

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">2. My favorite part is:
 * my favorite part of this writing is in the second paragraph**
 * when Sophie starts to compare the two poems.**

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">3. Here are some positive suggestions I think might be helpful:
 * the word choice is very good, the definitions are correct and the words are**
 * used correctly in the sentences. GOOD JOB!**

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">4. Here’s a question or two I have about the writing:
 * what do you mean in the first paragraph when you say that the type of**
 * writing is romanticism. Romanticism just dose not make since to me.**
 * would you be able to explain why you think that it is this type of poetry?**

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">5. Here are my thoughts on //your// concerns/questions about your writing:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">1. " **same as above**"

<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">2. **<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">where did you get your back ground ** **<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; line-height: 1.5;">information ****<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; line-height: 1.5;"> on the ** <span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">**poems? make sure you site it.**

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">3. **I think that our thoughts about how fast the mood changed** <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif;">**in the first poem is** <span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: medium; line-height: 24px;">**similar**.

GOOD WORK SOPH-SOPH!!!! :)

=Essay#1: Compare and Contrast=



Final Draft
Hana Whitehorn Susan Nielson English 10 _2013

<range type="comment" id="449311678_1">‍‍Comparing and Contrasting Imagery, Tone, and Symbolism in "Beyond the Snow Belt" and "Snow Day"</range id="449311678_1">‍‍

Two poems, Beyond the snow belt by Mary Oliver, and Snow Day by Billy Collins. Both about snow,<range type="comment" id="450592044_1">‍‍ but they differ in many aspects</range id="450592044_1">‍‍. <range type="comment" id="451849222_1">‍‍Especially when one is looking for deeper meaning in both of these pieces. The easiest parts of the poems to analyze would be the two poem's Imagery, Tone, and Symbolism.</range id="451849222_1">‍‍

In Snow Day, the snow is like<range type="comment" id="451849222_2">‍‍ a big white blanket, “smothering” quietly,</range id="451849222_2">‍‍ hiding away and preventing entry to buildings. The snow is so thick it cannot be broken through, just like someone trying to shatter some shatter-proff glass, or as a mouse trying to get out of it's hole: "not a single mouse to punctuate the blankness" The poem says "I step out like someone walking on water." referring to how fluffy the snow is, and how he must be careful to avoid tripping, with such care as someone "walking on water".

In Beyond The Snow Belt, the storm is a dark and powerful force, "taking lives" far away, but having mercy on those that are in the poem. <range type="comment" id="452760716_2">‍‍Winter is called a "<range type="comment" id="451849222_4">‍‍skull</range id="451849222_4">‍‍", alluding to winter's whiteness and harshness, similar to that of a skull.</range id="452760716_2">‍‍ This poem also mentions the news reporter on the radio, and how so many times when we tune into the news channel, all we can hear are horrors and disasters, that are "<range type="comment" id="451849222_5">‍‍recited like dark poems</range id="451849222_5">‍‍", just like the transitions section in a newspaper, where people who have recently died are listed.

In Snow Day the <range type="comment" id="451849222_8">‍‍poem </range id="451849222_8">‍‍starts outs sounding evil, trampling the world that has "<range type="comment" id="451849222_7">‍‍fallen under this falling</range id="451849222_7">‍‍", everything either dies, sleeps, or "falls" when the the snow "falls" from the sky. the tone then turns “grandiose” nearer the end, and the man is saying that he is a <range type="comment" id="451849222_9">‍‍"willing prisoner"</range id="451849222_9">‍‍ when the snow keeps him inside the house. Then he doesn't have to attend work! I guess you could say 'saved by the snow' as it gives the man a break from his responsibilities. The poem is also lighthearted, <range type="comment" id="451849222_10">‍‍and it talks about a group of girls plotting the downfall of another girl, no doubt having something to do with a snowball fight</range id="451849222_10">‍‍. The snow gives then a sense of anarchy, because just like the man, their responsibilities are also loosened.

In Beyond The Snow Belt, The storm has killed other people, and there is an account that "Two counties north the storm has taken lives". This poem, like Snow Day, also shifts to a <range type="comment" id="449311678_2">‍‍lighter note, talking about how the beautiful snow that was left by the storm,<range type="comment" id="451819530_2">‍‍ much like the swirling pattern of a deadly hurricane.</range id="451819530_2">‍‍

In Snow Day, I noticed lots of clever and humorous symbolism, hinting at the snow being <range type="comment" id="451849222_12">‍‍a good thing and a bad thing</range id="451849222_12">‍‍, and invites a change in perspective. The snow is seen as a conqueror, claiming everything for the kingdom of winter with "it's white flag waving over everything". The man's personal opinion of snow is that it is naughty, chaotic, and fun. He says he is "a sympathizer with the anarchic cause of snow." This made me laugh. In Beyond The Snow Belt, there is a <range type="comment" id="449311678_3">‍‍much more serious message, predominantly <range type="comment" id="451849222_13">‍‍concerning life and death</range id="449311678_3">‍‍. <range type="comment" id="450592044_3">‍‍The poem mentions that few pay attention to disasters or take them seriously unless they are people they love are involved. </range id="450592044_3">‍‍<range type="comment" id="451849222_15">‍‍What may seem scary and blunt, after thought,it's true. If one always focuses on the negative happening in the world (that are __always__ happening, mind you) they will never be able to enjoy the present.</range id="451849222_15">‍‍

Both of these poems refer to a snowstorm as <range type="comment" id="449311678_4">‍‍something</range id="449311678_4">‍‍ that can bring joy, and as something that is dark and is capable of causing suffering. The snowstorms in both poems are quiet, <range type="comment" id="451849222_16">‍‍but in "Beyond The Snow Belt" the snow is seen as more violent, where in "Snow Day" the snow is naughty</range id="451849222_16">‍‍. I think both of these can be true depending on where you live and the ways snow impacts you. If you are homeless a snowstorm is going to be a lot different than if you are wealthy and have a <range type="comment" id="451849222_17">‍‍nice fire going in the hearth as you watch the snowflakes outside</range id="451849222_17">‍‍. This is because the homeless man is exposed to the 'deathly' side of the snowstorm, whereas the wealthy man is safe and sees it in a different light.

<range type="comment" id="451819530_1">‍‍<range type="comment" id="452760716_3">‍‍I think the main message in both of these poems is to enjoy the snow and play with it, because it is beautiful and often fleeting, just like so many other things in life. The ways I can enjoy snow where I live is to appreciate the danger that is involved when there is a snowstorm, and be grateful that I have a house where I can observe the snow and all it's power.</range id="451819530_1">‍‍

Peer Reviews
<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">My Name : Lily Gillett Date :9/17/2013

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">1. Things I like about this writing: I think you have a good structural outline in your writing. Your writing is comparable to someone in an AP (advanced placement) class. I really like how you go over the imagery, symbolism, and the tone.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">2. My favorite part is: My favorite part is when you further explain the imagery and explain the big white blanket.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">3. Here are some positive suggestions I think might be helpful: I think you could tap in to your emotions a bit further and truly understand the poem. I think you have a lot more in you to flesh out!

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">4. Here’s a question or two I have about the writing: Do you find dying people beautiful? I f you do it is cool...

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">5. Here are my thoughts on //your// concerns/questions about your writing:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">1. Do you feel like you could write more?

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">2. I feel like you could use some more angst in your writing!

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">3. Good job, Hana!!! Lucy Silverman-


 * Lenie's Peer Review **


 * 1) Positives: Hana, I think you have a really great handle on what both of these poems mean to you. You truly understand the difference between a light snow fall and a violent storm that takes the lives of many. You have astute word choice, and your thesis is focused and is developed throughout the entire essay! I especially like your comparison of a winter storm and the skull; this is really great symbolism. Maybe while snow represents a skull in "Into the Snowbelt," snow can be represented as a pearl or something else light and beautiful in "Snow Day." Overall, this is quite the precise analysis. You should feel very proud of this essay!
 * 2) There are a few minor grammar mistakes, but I can help you with that when you return to Kolob if you'd like me to. I'd like to see you "flesh out" more as Lily was saying. For me, I like to write down everything that comes to mind when I think about the different aspects of the poetry. Then, I organize them into the essay. Believe it or not, most of the time your first thoughts and instincts about literature are the most powerful. Use the first things that come to mind! Also, generally in a formal analysis essay, it is not appropriate to use: I, me, us, we, myself, ours, you, yours, etc. Does that make sense? Instead of using "I think," you could use "one may think" or "an individual may think." Also in formal essays, exclamation points generally are not to be used unless it is part of a quote.

__<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Grading Rubric __ <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-align: center;">100 possible points
 * || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">6

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">20-18 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">5

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">17-14 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">4

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">13-9 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">3

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">8-6 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">2

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">5-3 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">1

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">0-2 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">Grade Earned ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Meaning ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly. The paper points to specific examples to illustrate the comparison. The paper includes only the information relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly, but the supporting information is general. The paper includes only the information relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly, but the supporting information is incomplete. The paper may include information that is not relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper had some attempts at compare and/or contrasting but it does not use support from the poems. There is plot summary and some information that is not relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">This paper had little or no attempt at making a comparison or contrast between the two poems. It has possible attempts at understanding the assigned task, but there are no true connections made. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Provides no evidence of understanding. The response makes no connections between the poems and the assigned task. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">19 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Organization ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure. It follows a consistent order when discussing the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure but does not follow a consistent order when discussing the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure, but some information is in the wrong section. Some details are not in a logical or expected order, and this distracts the reader. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is some structure but it is difficult to follow and does not follow the whole-to-whole, similarities-to differences, or point-by point structure. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper has a main idea, but lacks the focus and organization needed. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper shows no organization nor is there an attempt to have structure. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">19 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Development ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper moves smoothly from one idea to the next. The paper uses comparison and contrast to examine poetic elements. The paper cites specific evidence from the texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper uses some literary elements to compare/contrast the poems. There is sometimes evidence from the texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is an idea of literary elements, but there is no evidence from texts in the compare/contrast essay. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Makes an attempt at using literary elements to compare/contrast texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Does not attempt to include literary elements in paper. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There are no attempts to literary elements to compare/contrast texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">19 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Language use ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper uses a variety of sentence structures and transitions. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper attempts some sentence variety and use of vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is little or no variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is no variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Uses language that is inappropriate for audience and purpose or demonstrates a lack of meaning. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">At times the language is incoherent. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">18 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Conventions ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes no errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes 1-2 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes 3-4 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">More than 4 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the readers from the author’s point. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Demonstrates lack of control and lack of proofreading. There are frequent errors that make the author’s point hard to understand. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper is full of grammatical and spelling errors that make it difficult or impossible to understand. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">17 ||
 * ^  ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Total ||
 * ^  ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;"><range type="comment" id="463400616_1">92</range id="463400616_1"> ||

Lenie's First Brainstorm :

Basic <range type="comment" id="451824372_1">‍‍argument</range id="451824372_1">‍‍ for essay: The two poems "Snow Day" and "Beyond the Snow Belt" present a strong image of man's struggle against nature. Looking at the symbolism of the poetry, man's struggle against nature may represent something more. It symbolizes a man vs. man struggle: war and global tragedy.

Beyond the Snow Belt: "Beyond the Snow Belt" talks <range type="comment" id="451824372_2">‍‍about the violence that winter brings to the global communit</range id="451824372_2">‍‍y. Though the snow may seem quiet and beautiful for some, for others it is a<range type="comment" id="450960894_1">‍‍ violent burden</range id="450960894_1">‍‍. While in a small town in Metro-Detroit Michigan the snow is something to be celebrated, just a few hundred miles ahead the first snowfall could bring death. When people first hear about a distant tragedy, they mourn the losses and wish for a brighter future. Once the media has moved onto something else, however, people drop the last tragedy and move onto other things. We become so preoccupied with ourselves that after due time, distant losses seem so little. This is not entirely a judgement of the human race, it is more a fact of the behaviors evident in human nature day to day.

Snow Day: "Snow Day" takes the innocent event of a snow day and uses it as a metaphor for the cycle of wars. Key Words and Phrases:
 * revolution
 * white flag
 * government buildings smothered
 * laden branch
 * willing prisoner in this house
 * sympathizer with the anarchic cause snow
 * plastic radio on the counter --> glad as anyone to hear news
 * Kiddie Corner School, Ding-Dong school, Hi-Ho Nursery, etc (using innocent school names to contrast the violence of the war)
 * this is where children hide all day
 * nests where they letter and draw (hiding the children)
 * Lines 33, 34--> battle scene
 * by the fence--> prison wall
 * lines 35-39--> girls are plotting a war
 * grandiose silence of snow--> the whiteness of the snow represents peace...snow prevented the war
 * what riot is afoot

Lenie's First Rough Draft:

<range type="comment" id="451986362_2">‍‍"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen" (Prime Minister Winston Churchill). </range id="451986362_2">‍‍<range type="comment" id="451986362_3">‍‍These wise words stated by <range type="comment" id="453026640_1">‍‍this</range id="453026640_1">‍‍ prominent World War II leader</range id="451986362_3">‍‍ both parallel and contrast the themes of BIlly Collins's "Snow Day" and Mary Oliver's "Beyond the Snowbelt." <range type="comment" id="451986362_1">‍‍These two poems symbolize something more than just a winter day; they hint at a process of fear leading to hesitation <range type="comment" id="453026640_2">‍‍while</range id="453026640_2">‍‍ in a world comprised of war and global tragedy.

In one full metaphor, Billy Collins's "Snow Day" <range type="comment" id="453026640_3">‍‍depicts the stages of a revolution</range id="453026640_3">‍‍. Collins utilizes the playful and innocent aspects of students awaiting the news of a <range type="comment" id="453026640_4">‍‍snow day </range id="453026640_4">‍‍to contrast the secrecy and tainted images of war. To start this literary masterpiece off, Collins writes, "Today we woke up to a revolution of snow, its white flag waving over everything" <range type="comment" id="453026640_5">‍‍(Lines 1, 2)</range id="453026640_5">‍‍. The snow is ready for<range type="comment" id="453026640_6">‍‍ battle but</range id="453026640_6">‍‍ in a <range type="comment" id="453026640_7">‍‍peaceful manner</range id="453026640_7">‍‍. The color white represents <range type="comment" id="453026640_8">‍‍peace</range id="453026640_8">‍‍ and the desire for life to transition into a better time. The battle begins and government buildings, schools, and libraries are <range type="comment" id="453026640_9">‍‍buried</range id="453026640_9">‍‍ in the snow, or metaphorically, <range type="comment" id="453026640_10">‍‍ashes</range id="453026640_10">‍‍ of the things lost. Following this illustration, Collins paints a picture of someone putting snow boots on to experience the snow; this person is preparing to fight. Until the time to fight comes, however, he or she is "a willing prisoner in this house" (Line 16). In a time of war and catastrophe, going into hiding, whether forced or not, is not an <range type="comment" id="453026640_13">‍‍unusual matter</range id="453026640_13">‍‍.


 * Lenie's Peer Review **


 * 1) Positives: Hana, I think you have a really great handle on what both of these poems mean to you. You truly understand the difference between a light snow fall and a violent storm that takes the lives of many. You have astute word choice, and your thesis is focused and is developed throughout the entire essay! I especially like your comparison of a winter storm and the skull; this is really great symbolism. Maybe while snow represents a skull in "Into the Snowbelt," snow can be represented as a pearl or something else light and beautiful in "Snow Day." Overall, this is quite the precise analysis. You should feel very proud of this essay!
 * 2) There are a few minor grammar mistakes, but I can help you with that when you return to Kolob if you'd like me to. I'd like to see you "flesh out" more as Lily was saying. For me, I like to write down everything that comes to mind when I think about the different aspects of the poetry. Then, I organize them into the essay. Believe it or not, most of the time your first thoughts and instincts about literature are the most powerful. Use the first things that come to mind! Also, generally in a formal analysis essay, it is not appropriate to use: I, me, us, we, myself, ours, you, yours, etc. Does that make sense? Instead of using "I think," you could use "one may think" or "an individual may think." Also in formal essays, exclamation points generally are not to be used unless it is part of a quote.


 * Lenie's Second Peer Review: **

Positives: Lindsey, you have really beautiful connections not only between the two poems but between the poetry and real life. Your word choice is astute, and you have delved deeply into these literary works. You should feel very proud of yourself! Though these poems are evidently so similar, you were easily able to catch small aspects of the poems that made them different. Overall, really great paragraph development and symbolism analysis.

Suggestions: Watch the first and second person. Well, not so much the first person as the second person. There are a couple of grammar mistakes I can help you fix on the computer with you if that's helpful. Sometimes, it is more effective to use smaller quotes to analyze. Maybe pick out the words that really stand out and serve as evidence towards your argument. This could take your essay soaring even higher than it already is! Also, when you analyze your quotes, be aware of when you are just summarizing and not fully analyzing. If it's an effective analysis, then it will introduce something the writing doesn't already state.

__<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Grading Rubric __ Lenie, I can't seem to find your final copy...can you point me in the right dirrection? Until then I'll score the rubric using what's here.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-align: center;">100 possible points


 * || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">6

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">20-18 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">5

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">17-14 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">4

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">13-9 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">3

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">8-6 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">2

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">5-3 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">1

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">0-2 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">Grade Earned ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Meaning ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly. The paper points to specific examples to illustrate the comparison. The paper includes only the information relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly, but the supporting information is general. The paper includes only the information relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly, but the supporting information is incomplete. The paper may include information that is not relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper had some attempts at compare and/or contrasting but it does not use support from the poems. There is plot summary and some information that is not relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">This paper had little or no attempt at making a comparison or contrast between the two poems. It has possible attempts at understanding the assigned task, but there are no true connections made. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Provides no evidence of understanding. The response makes no connections between the poems and the assigned task. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">18 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Organization ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure. It follows a consistent order when discussing the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure but does not follow a consistent order when discussing the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure, but some information is in the wrong section. Some details are not in a logical or expected order, and this distracts the reader. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is some structure but it is difficult to follow and does not follow the whole-to-whole, similarities-to differences, or point-by point structure. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper has a main idea, but lacks the focus and organization needed. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper shows no organization nor is there an attempt to have structure. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">18 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Development ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper moves smoothly from one idea to the next. The paper uses comparison and contrast to examine poetic elements. The paper cites specific evidence from the texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper uses some literary elements to compare/contrast the poems. There is sometimes evidence from the texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is an idea of literary elements, but there is no evidence from texts in the compare/contrast essay. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Makes an attempt at using literary elements to compare/contrast texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Does not attempt to include literary elements in paper. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There are no attempts to literary elements to compare/contrast texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">17 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Language use ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper uses a variety of sentence structures and transitions. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper attempts some sentence variety and use of vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is little or no variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is no variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Uses language that is inappropriate for audience and purpose or demonstrates a lack of meaning. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">At times the language is incoherent. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">17 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Conventions ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes no errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes 1-2 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes 3-4 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">More than 4 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the readers from the author’s point. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Demonstrates lack of control and lack of proofreading. There are frequent errors that make the author’s point hard to understand. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper is full of grammatical and spelling errors that make it difficult or impossible to understand. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">19 ||
 * ^  ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Total ||
 * ^  ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;"><range type="comment" id="463390862_6">89</range id="463390862_6"> ||

**__EMILY'S WORK__**

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 16px;">I very much enjoyed reading these two poems. I really like the first poem called Dover Beach. This poem really stood out to me, I liked the imagery in it and the way the writer portrayed how the ocean sounded, felt, smelled etc it really made me feel like I am right there feeling the ocean of my face and the cool wind with specks of water falling on my face as I sit on the ocean side. the second poem talked about how vicious this dessert is. How powerful and wild the dessert sand is, the King of Kings as it states. Where I understand that the dessert has great power I still feel as though the writer could have written less violently and so strong with power and angry emotions. the first poem was more enjoyable and soothing so read where as this poem was scary and as if trying to hind who he is really talking about in his life and hiding behind his poem. I also believe that there is a difference when the Dover Beach poem talks about love and compaction, when in the Ozymandias it talks all of power and strength and its great power, it is a very strong poem and kind of sad. It makes we wonder if the writer has had trauma from the sea or a large body of water or even a small body of water. maybe some one or something was taken from his when he was young and or older and he is just now finding the emotions from it and writing it all down and showing his feelings towards this trauma.

1. In the ** first ** paragraph I'll formulate a thesis statement, and I can talk about contrasts, as well as comparisons.


 * It will look something like this ** :

These two well-known poems compare women to different aspects of nature, one in a positive light and the other in a more negative way. The poets also use tone to contrast the poem's themes, one serious and the other more light-hearted.

2. In the ** second ** paragraph I think I'll use the nature idea by comparing what the two poets use as metaphores and similies to describe the girls.

3. In the ** third ** paragraph I'll continue to compare, looking at the paricular traits like the hair of each and what each says of the girl's eyes, etc...

4. In the ** fourth ** paragraph I'll look at contrast and how the tones differ in their feeling and emotions, with one being very serious and romantic and the other being comical, but profound and sweet, too. I should comment on any other contrasts here, too, like the sun and moon and how each are used.

5. In the ** fifth ** paragraph I'll talk about each poet and his technics to get the points intended across to the audience. I'll talk about how different each poem is from the other in tone, but alike in that they both show a woman or girl who is very muched loved. I'll also mention that, perhaps, the two men were writing about girls of very different ages, one young and one much older and the relationships were different with each, which can make a huge difference as to how a man will speak of them. I should end it with a personal thought, but not one that is judgemental of either poem.

Dover beach talks more of peace, love, respect and how beautiful things are whereas the Ozymandias talks about how powerful this thing is and how angry it is, as though talking about something that took someone or something from him. I wonder if he is emotionally writing. the way the the righter tell us about the sand filled dessert makes me wonder so many things as to why he would use such anger and say that the dessert has great power when all I would say is it has a hot grainy feel to it as i walk through the sand. I just do not understand why this poem was written like this and so angry Dover beach on the other had i could tell that this writer took a long time to make sure that we understood that this place was a peaceful.

I wonder if when Matthew Arnold wrote this poem he was remembering a very nice, happy memory that went bad. Because he then says "Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight, where ignorant armies clash by night." As to say that there is a person whom he is talking about in the poem that is with him, he may not be with because of rules or laws that were set in place, Just like in Romeo and Juliet, where there are two kids from two different worlds and when they see one another they fall in love but are forbidden to see one another because of family and peer rivalry and law. As the memory of the loved one ends, it turns to sadness and UN-peaceful things, where the moment had just made him feel so warm and happy now he is sad and mad that the memory must end in a bad way and they must go there separate ways.

On the other hand the poem the Ozymandias is almost about as story that is about a king that had a beautiful castle, beautiful clothes, pretty must everything was beautiful. one day the king says to his servants and his civilians "look at my beautiful things I have this is the only way I can live." the King lived in his beauty and then one day he lost his castle and had nothing. everyone in the kingdom talked of how greedy and nasty he was and the king now had nothing. He had not nice beautiful rooms, no more nice beautiful clothes, no more servants to help his every need. the king had nothing left. he still was cocky about something though, that he was still the king. this poem really reminds me of this story because it is about a man that is very cocky and thinks that he is the big cheese to say it nicely. but when he loses everything no one cares because he was so nasty and rood to the other people then when he lost everything they didn't care at all.

These two poems are alike in some ways and not alike in some ways. The two poems are very different in the since of what they are talking not only about but the tone through out the poems. In the Ozymandias in talks pretty much the whole time of greedy, meanness and sadness where as the only part of Dover Beach that is angry,sad and angry is at the end. like I said before it seems to me that Matthew Arnold wrote this poem about one of his loved ones that then was taken away in the end and that mad his emotions change.On the other hand in the ways that they are alike are, they both have a sad or angry feel at some point in the poem for the Dover Beach one it is at the end, as for the Ozymandias its is greedy, mean and sad.

I very much agree with both of the poems and think that they are great poems to compare and contrast not only for that reason do I say they are good but also the way that the writers portray the five seances and the the feelings of the emotions that they are feeling in the moment. it was very easy to read what there emotions are. I also think that these two poems are very good and very well said in the tone and the rhythm they have going. ji very must enjoyed doing these two poems.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">My Name : Date :

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">1. Things I like about this writing:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">2. My favorite part is:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">3. Here are some positive suggestions I think might be helpful:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">4. Here’s a question or two I have about the writing:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">5. Here are my thoughts on //your// concerns/questions about your writing:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">1.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">2.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">3.

__<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Grading Rubric __

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-align: center;">100 possible points


 * || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">6

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">20-18 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">5

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">17-14 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">4

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">13-9 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">3

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">8-6 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">2

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">5-3 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">1

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">0-2 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">Grade Earned ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Meaning ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly. The paper points to specific examples to illustrate the comparison. The paper includes only the information relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly, but the supporting information is general. The paper includes only the information relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly, but the supporting information is incomplete. The paper may include information that is not relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper had some attempts at compare and/or contrasting but it does not use support from the poems. There is plot summary and some information that is not relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">This paper had little or no attempt at making a comparison or contrast between the two poems. It has possible attempts at understanding the assigned task, but there are no true connections made. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Provides no evidence of understanding. The response makes no connections between the poems and the assigned task. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">18 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Organization ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure. It follows a consistent order when discussing the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure but does not follow a consistent order when discussing the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure, but some information is in the wrong section. Some details are not in a logical or expected order, and this distracts the reader. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is some structure but it is difficult to follow and does not follow the whole-to-whole, similarities-to differences, or point-by point structure. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper has a main idea, but lacks the focus and organization needed. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper shows no organization nor is there an attempt to have structure. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">16 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Development ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper moves smoothly from one idea to the next. The paper uses comparison and contrast to examine poetic elements. The paper cites specific evidence from the texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper uses some literary elements to compare/contrast the poems. There is sometimes evidence from the texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is an idea of literary elements, but there is no evidence from texts in the compare/contrast essay. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Makes an attempt at using literary elements to compare/contrast texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Does not attempt to include literary elements in paper. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There are no attempts to literary elements to compare/contrast texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">16 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Language use ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper uses a variety of sentence structures and transitions. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper attempts some sentence variety and use of vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is little or no variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is no variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Uses language that is inappropriate for audience and purpose or demonstrates a lack of meaning. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">At times the language is incoherent. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">17 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Conventions ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes no errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes 1-2 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes 3-4 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">More than 4 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the readers from the author’s point. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Demonstrates lack of control and lack of proofreading. There are frequent errors that make the author’s point hard to understand. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper is full of grammatical and spelling errors that make it difficult or impossible to understand. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">15 ||
 * ^  ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Total ||
 * ^  ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;"><range type="comment" id="463390862_5">81</range id="463390862_5"> ||

Stephanie Anne Smith Susan Neilson 9-7-13 period 4 Comparing and contrast poems: **__<span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;"><range type="comment" id="449310052_1">‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍Snow Day- Billy Collins</range id="449310052_1">‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍ __** <span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;"> Today we woke up to a revolution of snow, its white flag waving over everything, the landscape vanished, not a single mouse to punctuate the blankness, and beyond these windows <span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;"> the government buildings smothered, schools and libraries buried, the post office lost under the noiseless drift, the paths of trains softly blocked, the world fallen under this falling. <span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;"> In a while I will put on some boots and step out like someone walking in water, and the dog will porpoise through the drifts, and I will shake a laden branch, sending a cold shower down on us both. <span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;"> But for now I am a willing prisoner in this house, a sympathizer with the anarchic cause of snow. I will make a pot of tea and listen to the plastic radio on the counter, as glad as anyone to hear the news <span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;"> that the Kiddie Corner School is closed, the Ding-Dong School, closed, the All Aboard Children's School, closed, the Hi-Ho Nursery School, closed, along with -- some will be delighted to hear -- <span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;"> the Toadstool School, the Little School, Little Sparrows Nursery School, Little Stars Pre-School, Peas-and-Carrots Day School, the Tom Thumb Child Center, all closed, and -- clap your hands -- the Peanuts Play School. <span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;"> So this is where the children hide all day, These are the nests where they letter and draw, where they put on their bright miniature jackets, all darting and climbing and sliding, all but the few girls whispering by the fence. <span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;"> And now I am listening hard in the grandiose silence of the snow, trying to hear what those three girls are plotting, what riot is afoot, which small queen is about to be brought down. __**<span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;">Beyond the Snow Belt- Mary Oliver **__ <span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;"> Over the local stations, one by one, Announcers list disasters like dark poems That always happen in the skull of winter. But once again the storm has passed us by: Lovely and moderate, the snow lies down While shouting children hurry back to play, And scarved and smiling citizens once more Sweep down their easy paths of pride and welcome. <span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;"> And what else might we do? Let us be truthful. Two counties north the storm has taken lives. Two counties north, to us, is far away, -A land of trees, a wing upon a map, A wild place never visited, - so we Forget with ease each far mortality. <span style="color: #4b0b4b; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 19.2px;"> Peacefully from our frozen yards we watch Our children running on the mild white hills. This is the landscape that we understand, -And till the principle of things takes root, How shall examples move us from our calm? I do not say that is not a fault. I only say, except as we have loved, All news arrives as from a distant land.

Brain storming ideas: Snow day- Happy poem. A soft snow has come and its time to sit outside and relax. School is cancelled and there's nothing to worry about. We can just sit around all day and read and drink tea. Everything is covered and its one big white dream. Three girls are planning to do something. I'm really not sure what but it sounds like a snow ball fight or something..... <range type="comment" id="451549184_1">‍‍‍‍‍‍what do you think???</range id="451549184_1">‍‍‍‍‍‍ Beyond the snow belt- A horrible storm has just passed. lives have been lost and places have been destroyed. All around us is horrible. The storm has passed and life is back to normal. <range type="comment" id="451549184_2">‍‍‍‍‍‍We quickly forget about the bad around us and get wrapped up in our crazy lives again.</range id="451549184_2">‍‍‍‍‍‍

Paragraph 1: In this paragraph I will be talking about what my essay is all about. I will compare and contrast the two poems Snow Day by Billy Collins and Beyond the Snow Belt by Mary Oliver. I will talk about their love of the snow and how they enjoy it. I will also talk about what happens beyond their homes and what the snow does. I will also try to paint a picture of how beautiful the snow is when it has just fallen. Paragraph 2: I will compare the two poems by describing what it was like in both of these poems. I will use similes and metaphors to hopefully paint a picture in the readers mind. Paragraph 3: In this paragraph i will compare qualities in the poems. Paragraph 4: I will contrast the two poems by looking at the differences in both of them. How did they think of the situation and what did they do about it. <range type="comment" id="451549184_3">‍‍‍‍‍‍ Paragraph 5: This will be my closing paragraph. I will look at their two view points and compare and contrast them.</range id="451549184_3">‍‍‍‍‍‍

<range type="comment" id="451549184_4">‍‍‍‍‍‍Snow brings many diverse emotions and outcomes; sometimes it can be <range type="comment" id="452510742_1">‍‍‍beautiful or it can bring the destruction of a city</range id="452510742_1">‍‍‍.</range id="451549184_4">‍‍‍‍‍‍ Snow isn't always fun and games! Snow Day, by Billy Collins is a cheerful poem that brings happy emotions to me. As we read that poem a small, old town covered in snow. The poem gave an impression that snow is a positive thing. In Beyond the Snow Belt, by Mary Oliver the emotions were scared and sad. Picture a horrible snow storm tearing down buildings and destroying everything in sight. In this poem <range type="comment" id="452510742_5">‍‍‍snow is a horrible thing. By using comparisons and looking at contrasts between the two poems, the poetic tools of symbolism, tone and imagery can provide insight into this set of poems. Both poems are about snow and what it can be like. It shows the joy or sorrow snow can bring with it, In Snow Day<range type="comment" id="452510742_8">‍‍‍ it's possible to </range id="452510742_8">‍‍‍picture a beautiful bright day with soft snow falling. It has filled the streets and people are looking out their windows at the sight. Soon the reader finds out school has been cancelled. Life couldn't be any better. Now<range type="comment" id="452510742_10">‍‍‍ the narrator tells how nice it is to just have to get a mug of hot chocolate and cuddle on the couch by the fire to read a book on a 'Snow Day'. The kids go outside and have snow ball fights and make snow angles. <range type="comment" id="452510742_11">‍‍‍The kids laugh and smile as they run around and quickly get white on their noses and eye lashes</range id="452510742_11">‍‍‍. The snow looks as soft as cotton. In Beyond the Snow Belt the snow has just settled down from a big storm. The sun has come out and all the kids come out to play. <range type="comment" id="452510742_12">‍‍‍Beautiful white snow </range id="452510742_12">‍‍‍is falling like cotton balls from the sky. Parents watch their kids play from inside and smile. Everyone has looked past the negative and now looks at the beauty of the snow. There are many similarities and differences in both of the poems. In Snow Day its easy to visualize a picture perfect snowy day with sun and kids playing and no worries in the world. The other poem, Beyond the Snow Belt, paints a picture of a windy, stormy, snowy day that slowly turns into a nicer play day. This helps you to see both sides of snow, <range type="comment" id="452510742_15">‍‍‍the dark side but also the fun and magical side</range id="452510742_15">‍‍‍. Kids play and laugh in both of the poems. One is relaxing and one is uptight. In both poems though kids play and laugh. There are several differences in these two poems. One is the different kinds of snow. In Snow Day, its light and beautiful and fun. In Beyond the Snow Belt, its cold and scary and unforgiving. Kids play in laugh and have a good time and in the other people hide and peek out from their windows to see what's going on. All in all, Beyond the Snow Belt and Snow Day have lots of similarities and differences. As the reader, you can get two very different ideas of snow by reading these two poems. Snow can be fun and games or it can be a horrible disaster. Both sides are good and bad. Snow Day and Beyond the Snow Belt are two very good poems.

=Final Essay:= = = Stephanie Smith Susan Neilson English 11 10/1/13 Snow Day and Beyond the Snow Belt ‍‍‍‍‍ Snow brings many diverse emotions and outcomes; sometimes it can be ‍‍beautiful or it can bring the destruction of a city‍‍.‍‍‍‍‍ Snow isn't always fun and games! Snow Day, by Billy Collins is a cheerful poem that brings happy emotions to me. As we read that poem a small, old town covered in snow. The poem gave an impression that snow is a positive thing. In Beyond the Snow Belt, by Mary Oliver the emotions were scared and sad. Picture a horrible snow storm tearing down buildings and destroying everything in sight. In this poem ‍‍snow is a horrible thing. By using comparisons and looking at contrasts between the two poems, the poetic tools of symbolism, tone and imagery can provide insight into this set of poems. Both poems are about snow and what it can be like. It shows the joy or sorrow snow can bring with it, In Snow Day‍‍ it's possible to ‍‍picture a beautiful bright day with soft snow falling. It has filled the streets and people are looking out their windows at the sight. Soon the reader finds out school has been cancelled. Life couldn't be any better. Now‍‍ the narrator tells how nice it is to just have to get a mug of hot chocolate and cuddle on the couch by the fire to read a book on a 'Snow Day'. The kids go outside and have snow ball fights and make snow angles. ‍‍The kids laugh and smile as they run around and quickly get white on their noses and eye lashes‍‍. The snow looks as soft as cotton. In Beyond the Snow Belt the snow has just settled down from a big storm. The sun has come out and all the kids come out to play. ‍‍Beautiful white snow ‍‍is falling like cotton balls from the sky. Parents watch their kids play from inside and smile. Everyone has looked past the negative and now looks at the beauty of the snow. There are many similarities and differences in both of the poems. In Snow Day its easy to visualize a picture perfect snowy day with sun and kids playing and no worries in the world. The other poem, Beyond the Snow Belt, paints a picture of a windy, stormy, snowy day that slowly turns into a nicer play day. This helps you to see both sides of snow, ‍‍the dark side but also the fun and magical side‍‍. Kids play and laugh in both of the poems. One is relaxing and one is uptight. In both poems though kids play and laugh. There are several differences in these two poems. One is the different kinds of snow. In Snow Day, its light and beautiful and fun. In Beyond the Snow Belt, its cold and scary and unforgiving. Kids play in laugh and have a good time and in the other people hide and peek out from their windows to see what's going on. All in all, Beyond the Snow Belt and Snow Day have lots of similarities and differences. As the reader, you can get two very different ideas of snow by reading these two poems. Snow can be fun and games or it can be a horrible disaster. Both sides are good and bad. Snow Day and Beyond the Snow Belt are two very good poems. = = __<span style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Grading Rubric __ <span style="background-color: #ffffff; display: block; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt; text-align: center;">100 possible points
 * || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">6

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">20-18 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">5

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">17-14 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">4

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">13-9 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">3

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">8-6 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">2

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">5-3 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 15pt;">1

<span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">0-2 Points || <span style="font-family: Georgia,serif; font-size: 10pt;">Grade Earned ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Meaning ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly. The paper points to specific examples to illustrate the comparison. The paper includes only the information relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly, but the supporting information is general. The paper includes only the information relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper compares and contrasts items clearly, but the supporting information is incomplete. The paper may include information that is not relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper had some attempts at compare and/or contrasting but it does not use support from the poems. There is plot summary and some information that is not relevant to the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">This paper had little or no attempt at making a comparison or contrast between the two poems. It has possible attempts at understanding the assigned task, but there are no true connections made. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Provides no evidence of understanding. The response makes no connections between the poems and the assigned task. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">18 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Organization ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure. It follows a consistent order when discussing the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure but does not follow a consistent order when discussing the comparison. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper breaks the information into whole-to-whole, similarities -to-differences, or point-by-point structure, but some information is in the wrong section. Some details are not in a logical or expected order, and this distracts the reader. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is some structure but it is difficult to follow and does not follow the whole-to-whole, similarities-to differences, or point-by point structure. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper has a main idea, but lacks the focus and organization needed. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper shows no organization nor is there an attempt to have structure. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">17 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Development ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper moves smoothly from one idea to the next. The paper uses comparison and contrast to examine poetic elements. The paper cites specific evidence from the texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper uses some literary elements to compare/contrast the poems. There is sometimes evidence from the texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is an idea of literary elements, but there is no evidence from texts in the compare/contrast essay. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Makes an attempt at using literary elements to compare/contrast texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Does not attempt to include literary elements in paper. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There are no attempts to literary elements to compare/contrast texts. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">17 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Language use ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper uses a variety of sentence structures and transitions. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper attempts some sentence variety and use of vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is little or no variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">There is no variety in sentence structure or vocabulary. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Uses language that is inappropriate for audience and purpose or demonstrates a lack of meaning. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">At times the language is incoherent. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">16 ||
 * **<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Conventions ** || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes no errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes 1-2 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Writer makes 3-4 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">More than 4 errors in grammar or spelling that distract the readers from the author’s point. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Demonstrates lack of control and lack of proofreading. There are frequent errors that make the author’s point hard to understand. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">The paper is full of grammatical and spelling errors that make it difficult or impossible to understand. || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">15 ||
 * ^  ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;">Total ||
 * ^  ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   ||^   || <span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman',serif; font-size: 9pt;"><range type="comment" id="463390862_7">83</range id="463390862_7"> ||

Stephanie's

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Brainstorming: She picked up the paint brush and started to paint. It wasn’t a normal painting though, it was dark with shadow like things in the background. As she painted there was a weird half smile on her face. English teacher lives in an old town

rough draft:

=
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Stephanie Smith Susan Neilson Period. 4 Halloween Essay

<span style="display: block; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: center;">In the Blink of an Eye <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">She picked up the old paint brush and began to paint. As she did, there was a strange half smile on her face. Paisley had always been a happy, excited girl. Her family was great and she had everything she could ever dream of. Except for one thing, her brother Joseph. He was the typical annoying little brother that seems to mess everything up. But one week can mess everything up. In the blink of an eye your entire world can change. Paisley’s parents, Mike and Diane, decided to go on a long trip for their 25th anniversary. That left Paisley being 18 in charge. One night while her parents were gone, she decided to throw a party at her house. They had a pool, fire pit and trampoline in their backyard so it was perfect. She quickly texted all her friends saying “Party at my house tonight. Be there!” and sent it. “Joseph are you going to tell mom and dad about this?” she asked with a worried look on her face. “Let me go out too!” He replied. “Fine!” Paisley answered back with a mad look on her face. At about 11:30, everyone started showing up. Joseph ran out the door the minute Paisleys football boyfriend, Chase, got there. Paisley was ok with that. She didn’t want him in the way. As everyone started showing up she forgot more and more about Joseph. While she was talking to her friends by the pool, out of the corner of her eye saw Chase and Joseph talking to each other. She stopped for a second but quickly went back to talking realizing she couldn’t have seen him. “Hey I have to go out and do something really quick.” Chase said as he went behind Paisley. “Try to be back soon” she replied with a smile on her face. Chase drove away without a second look back. Joseph was in the back of his Ford truck tied up and duct tape over his mouth. He slowly drove toward the forest behind his girlfriend’s house. He had a small shack in mind of where he was going to take Joseph. He stopped the truck and got out, not bothering to close the door behind him. He grabbed Joseph out of the truck and let him fall to the ground. Chase led him to the dark creepy cave in the mountains near his house. There were so many plants and vines growing around it you could never tell it was there. Making sure Joseph was tied to a large rock in the cave; Chase turned around and walked out. He quickly got into his car and drove away. By the time he got back to Paisley’s house everyone was leaving. He had been gone for 2 hours. Luckily on the way home he picked some flowers for Paisley to distract her from why he was gone for so long. Also hidden in his pocket was a ring he was waiting to give her at the perfect time. Chase walked in the front door and only saw a couple people in the house still hanging out. “Where’s Paisley?” he asked. “Outside.” someone replied. As soon as he got outside he could see Paisley in her beautiful pink dress laying on the trampoline looking at the stars. He quickly ran over to her and jumped on the trampoline. She screamed but smiled when she saw who it was. “Where were you for so long?” Paisley asked with a sad look on her face. “I just had to grab something.” Chase replied. At that moment he pulled out the ring and she gasped. “Paisley, will you marry me?” chase asked. Shocked but happy Paisley quickly said yes. All of the sudden they saw car lights coming up the road. It was three in the morning, and they thought 'who would be driving around this early?'. Then the garage door opened. Paisley ran into the house with Chase behind her right as her parents walked through the door. Mike had a terrified look on his face. Paisley quickly explains that they had a party and that’s why the house was a mess. “You both better clean this up by tomorrow.” Mike said still angry. “Where’s Joseph?” Diane asked. Right then Paisley looked around with a worried look on her face. “I have no idea. He went out with some friends last night and I haven’t seen him since.” Paisley said. Diane ran to the phone and called the police. She explained the situation and hung up. She turned around and fell to the ground. Whatever happens next we do not know. The author of the story left it at that.

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Reader’s Worksheet My Name :Lindsey Landego Date :10-28-2013 1. Things I like about this writing: I really like the way you made the events happen, straight to the point 2. My favorite part is: When she decided to have a party because I know thats what any 18 year old would do (: 3. Here are some positive suggestions I think might be helpful: Try and be more clarifying about who you are speaking about. People dont always remmeber names so try to write who exactly is the one saying things and who is doing what 4. Here’s a question or two I have about the writing: I dont really understand the whole story plot, i dont really understand how it all fits together. 5. Here are my thoughts on your concerns/questions about your writing: 1. Be careful about your grammar, it still matters 2.Remember that your supposed to have specific charastics; you might want to double check that you have those 3.I really liked how you had so many twists and turns in the story i was never expecting what came next

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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">Hana Date : 10/29/2013

1. Things I like about this writing: <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">intriguing <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">... grabs my attention and makes me want to keep reading!

<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">2. My favorite part is:

the cool description of the creepy cave! 3. Here are some positive suggestions I think might be helpful:

4. Here’s a question or two I have about the writing:

who the deuce is Jane? This story seems very unfinished. I hope you finish it before it's due!

5. Here are my thoughts on your concerns/questions about your writing:

1.Explain...explain...explain... so many questions unanswered!

2. Try to add some depth to the characters, they seem very 'flat'.

3. I love the story idea, just make sure that you use all the necessary characteristics for the contest.

Brainstorming page?

1. Snow Day vs. Beyond the Snow Belt A. Intro- Just as any other natural occurrence, snow can be interpreted in many different ways. Snow Day, by Billy Collins exemplifies the iciness and the surface aspects of how to deal with a snow day. On the other hand, Beyond the Snow Belt, by Mary Oliver, goes in depth regarding the emotions and feelings brought on by the white powder.

B. Snow Day- Billy Collins <range type="comment" id="450727082_1"> What is a typical day for you among the powdery white of snow? </range id="450727082_1"> For Billy Collins, elements that stand out are institutions, such as preschools' and the child occupants of them takes on the snow, exact remedies for the bitter cold, and simply the world falling surrender to the inevitable white blankets. It is apparent Collins does not see the snow as misfortune; he simply takes it for what it is. This particular grown man takes on a child-like point of view as he rejoices about the closing of preschools. The innocence of the children on snow days is something Collins tries to still capture, as snow brings out the spunk in most young ones. Collins fancies the widely <range type="comment" id="450623170_1"> tradition </range id="450623170_1"> notion of warm tea on a cold day. By adding this in the poem, clear evidence of Collins' underlying need to relate across the globe is evident. "But for now I am a willing prisoner of this house." As I said previously, Collins takes the snow with a light heart and surrenders by the snow encasing him and does not try to fight it with a stubborn man's shovel in the driveway. Reading between the lines, is a lonely man with an ever-present need to fit in and feel understood.

C. Beyond the Snow Belt- Mary Oliver To be jealous of the snow, would be to envy the earth. To be jealous of the outcomes of snow, would be to exaggerate on natural human emotion. Mary Oliver takes a jealous, almost envious standpoint, with a definite anger toward the icy cold. "That always happens in the skull of winter," reads Beyond the Snow Belt. This, right here, is an over generalization. Normally, these are not needed unless one is expressing an extreme emotion they may have. In this case, as I said earlier, I detect hate. It is clear from the poem Oliver does not get out a lot, and her resentment stems from watching others go about their lives amidst the snow. Despite all of this, there is a morose acceptance, that presents itsself as a calm. Almost like, Oliver understands the cannot do anything about her situation rather than sit back and accept it. So thus she does so.

D. Differences There are a number of differences between these two desperate poems and their lonely take on snow, but above all that, there are impalpable similarities. E. Conclusion- <range type="comment" id="450727082_2"> Snow can mean different things to different people. No two people have the same take on things, no matter how similar the situation may be. Mary Oliver's darker and more depressing stance vs. Billy Collins' child like surface and needy feelings.

=Brain Storming:=

Main Idea:

<range type="comment" id="457114108_1">Girl lives with her crazy mother, who is dating yet another new man. Her mother killed her father when she was just a child. It is one of her first memories. This new man is really creepy, and for some reason, every time he's around the daughter, she becomes reminded of her father. The new man takes them on vacation, on a cruise, where he kills the brother. We later find out that the new man is actually the father, for he never actually died.</range id="457114108_1">

Halloween Story Rough Draft

The Father of All Nightmares

It was a quiet, eerie day as I walked home from the Staiti General Store in downtown Morganton, GA. Morganton, located in the high, foggy mountains of the southeastern United States, was an unobtrusive, non-eventful town. The population was a whopping 297 persons, over half of whom being above the age of seventy. Staiti General Store was the only place to buy groceries in Morganton without having to drive forty minutes down Bald Ridge Mountain. My mother had sent me on my journey there that day to pick up some bread, ham, and the ingredients for her rice pudding, because “we had company coming.” Ha, company. “Company” was always the code word my mom used for “I have a new boyfriend, and he’s coming over for dinner tonight, but I’m too embarrassed to admit that things didn’t work out with the last one so I have yet another.” Mother went through boyfriends like a young teenage girl. She just couldn’t seem to learn how to be caring, loving, and in a relationship with another. But, she wasn’t always like that. When I was five years old, my mother had just told my father and me that she was pregnant. I was overcome with joy, but my father seemed confused…maybe even a bit angry. “Honey…aren’t you happy? We’re going to have another baby!” my mother said to my father with a façade of enthusiasm and obvious worry in her voice. My father said nothing; he simply arose from the rickety chair at the kitchen table and stormed up the stairs. I turned my attention to my baby doll, trying to give my mom the impression that I hadn’t noticed a thing. Later that night, as I lay in my tiny pink bed, having recently been tucked in by my mother, I heard loud screaming, and what sounded like a marching band performing right in my living room. Unable to subdue the curiosity of a five-year-old child, I allowed myself to crawl out of bed and down the stairs to see what was going on. I poked my head through the banister, giving me a secretive view of the kitchen, where my mother and father were irately yelling at one another. “I loved you! I cared for you, I’ve given you everything you’ve ever wanted, and what do a get in return? A wife who runs around on me!” “You’re never home!” my mother choked deafeningly between sobs. “I am stuck at home day after agonizing day with Claire, while you get to get out of the house and have a life off of this wretched mountain!” //Stuck//? I thought. I always was under the impression that my mother loved spending her days with me. After a few moments of silence, my dad bellowed “You know I hate that little girl! I despise her! I wanted a son! And maybe she would be just a little tolerable if she wasn’t so much like her selfish, wench of a mother!” And with that, my mother turned around and slowly pulled out a kitchen drawer at the very bottom of our cabinets. She rummaged through it for a moment, but then, in the blink of an eye, she turned around with a shiny silver gun pointed right at my father. “I don’t regret running around on you. This baby inside of me will be better than anything you could’ve given me.” And with that, there was a loud “BANG!” That was the last time I ever saw my father. I must’ve fainted after that, because I don’t remember how I got back to my bed. I woke up the next morning to the smell of eggs and bacon, and thought “//It was probably all just a bad dream.//” But when I walked downstairs, my father was nowhere to be found. My mom was in the kitchen over a frying pan, and smiled at me as if nothing was wrong. “How would you like your eggs, Claire, dear?” my mother asked. The gun was still sitting on the counter.

I finally reached our house, and, after wiping the red Georgia clay off my boots, walked into the kitchen to find my mom in the fetal position on the floor. “What is it this time?” I asked her with a hint of desperation in my voice. “W-what if h-he d-doesn’t like me?” she muttered, staring off into the distance with tears sliding down her face. “Mom,” I said as I began to recite a speech that had become all too familiar to me. “Of course he’ll like you. You’re pretty,” I said, ignoring her skin and bones body, hollowed eyes, and thin, wispy, greasy hair. “You’re smart,” I lied, thinking of how I was constantly having to help my mother with something as simple as counting out coins for milk. “And, you have a wonderful personality and hilarious sense of humor,” I said of my reclusive mother who spent days at a time in her room, and hadn’t laughed in Lord knows how long. Then, as if right on cue, my mom said “Oh, you really think so?” “Of course,” I replied, just as if we had rehearsed. And with that, my mother was unloading the groceries I had brought home, and was already slicing up the ham, as if that conversation between us had never even happened.

“MOM! Some man is at the door!” my ten-year-old brother Tyler screamed from his reading nook on the window sill. Tyler had made that window sill into “his spot,” because once, when he was younger, he had asked our mom where his dad was, and she replied that he was “on a long vacation.” So, Tyler sat by the window every single day, awaiting the return of a father who would never arrive. Mother came to the door with the same goofy smile she was always wearing when her newest beau arrived. She was dressed in a simple A-length dress; a dark navy blue that brought color to her dull, gray eyes, and accented in light pink and dark green flowers. “Edward,” she cooed, pulling the strange new man into a hug. Then, after what I thought a bit too long of time, she turned and introduced Edward to Tyler and I. “Edward,” she said with too much excitement in her voice to be addressing my brother and I. “These are my two lovely, beautiful children, Claire and Tyler.” Edward looked at me longingly, in the way a small child might look through the windows of a candy store. After staring for a few awkward moments, Edward said to me “Claire…how nice it is to see you again! My, how you-“ but he cut himself off there, and his countenance suggested that he had perhaps said too much. “I mean,” he continued, “I imagined what you might look like, and it’s-er-nice to see you in reality. Yeah, that’s what I meant.” I was very confused. What a strange thing for a man to say to me whom I have never met before. But, instead of giving it any more thought, I blew it off as Edward just being another one of the peculiar men my mom is constantly bringing home.

After the odd greeting, the night just continued to become more and more offbeat. Edward was kind to my mom. He treated her like she was just a mere remembrance…as if he knew he could lose her at any moment. That made me happy to see, as I believe it did with Tyler as well. Tyler, having never experienced a father before, saw how much mom liked Edward, and vice versa, and became very excited. “Claire,” Tyler whispered to me as we were washing the dishes, “look at mom and Edward!” I turned to see what Tyler was talking about. Mom was simply enjoying a game of chess with Edward. She had an immense smile on her face, as did he. “Yes, Tyler. They’re playing chess. How wonderful,” I said sarcastically to him. “No,” he replied, “don’t you see? He could be our new dad!” I cringed at the word “dad.” “Hush, Tyler!” I snapped at him. “We only have one dad. Mine’s dead, and yours is who-knows-where. Edward is just mom’s boyfriend. Don’t be surprised when he’s gone in a week!” Upset by my outburst, Tyler dropped the plate he was rinsing into the sink, turned out of the kitchen, and crept upstairs. Immediately I felt guilty for what I had said to him, but I didn’t dwell on it. In its stead, I finished up the dishes myself, and sat on the living room couch watching some sitcom that had come on with the television. After about a half hour, Tyler came back downstairs, his favorite dinosaur puzzles in hand. I was prepared to holler at Tyler and tell him that I was in no place to put together a puzzle with him right now, but instead of asking me, he walked right past the couch where I was sitting, and plopped the puzzle right down in Edward’s hands. Edward looked up at Tyler with a mixture of confusion and rage. “What do you think //this// is?” Edward asked Tyler through gritted teeth. “It’s my puzzle!” Tyler replied with the innocence of a little boy. Edward glared at Tyler with rage and hatred. That confused me greatly. What on earth could Edward have against Tyler? Just then, Edward arose from his chair, and threw Tyler’s puzzle on the ground, pieces scattering everywhere. My mother and I gasped. Tyler ran over to me and buried his head in my stomach. I took him upstairs just as mother began to scold Edward. Soon, they were in a full out yelling match. It sounded vaguely familiar. As I got Tyler ready for bed and read him a bedtime story, I couldn’t help but think about how this must’ve been a new record for mom. From the sound of all the screaming downstairs, I was sure this would be the last time I saw Edward. I was wrong. The very next day, Edward showed up on our front doorstep again. Again, he seemed very happy and almost proud to see me, but gave not even a single glance in Tyler’ direction. Edward came in and sat down, asking my mother and I, and Tyler, he agreed reluctantly once I reminded him, to join him. He told us all about his job off the mountain in the valley. He was a carpenter, specializing mostly in tables and chairs. He then said, “As an apology for my…ridiculous behavior yesterday, I went home last night and didn’t sleep a wink, for I was up from dusk until dawn making you //this//!” He pointed to a beautiful wooden table with a matching set of chairs he had placed on the back porch. My mother, Tyler and I all ran outside to get a closer look at them. As we were running our hands along the smooth, sanded surfaces, I noticed a yellow envelop with my mother’s name scrawled across the front in handwriting that for some reason looked vaguely familiar. “//Loraine,//” it said. My mom seemed to have spotted it at the same time as me, for she asked “What on earth is this?” “Oh!” replied Edward, “I got you all another gift to show my remorse for my behaviors last evening. Go ahead, open it up,” he prompted my mother. She opened up the envelope and pulled out four long white pieces of paper. Her eyes got wide, and then filled with tears. “Oh Edward,” she said, with tears racing down her cheeks, “How on earth could you afford this? Thank you so much, but there is no way I can accept these!” “What are they? What are they!?” Tyler and I chorused, running over to look over our mother’s shoulder. My heart skipped a beat due to excitement when I saw what my mother was holding in her hands. Four tickets for a cruise! I had never even been out of the state of Georgia before, let alone out on the ocean for a tropical vacation! But then, I began thinking, why would Edward do such a thing for people who he has only known for less than a day? There was something very peculiar about this man, and frankly, I was terrified. “Nonsense!” Edward said to my mom. “We’re going. We all are. This will be a chance for us to truly be a family aga-…err, I mean, see what it will be like to be a family. We’re leaving first thing tomorrow morning. I’ll see you all then!” And with that, Edward turned and left, without even a goodbye or a kiss to my mother. I spent the rest of the day packing. I was excited, yet afraid. I wasn’t quite sure if I felt safe on a cruise ship with Edward. He was such an odd man. When I voiced my opinions to my mother, she simply waved me off with a flick of her wrist, saying that “It’s normal for kids to be nervous when their parents begin dating.” That night, I had a nightmare. In it, I was with Tyler, and we were giddily in the car, headed towards the airport. All of the sudden, my father appeared next to me in the car. He could say nothing else except “//Don’t go. Do not go!//” And with that, I awoke.

The next morning, Edward was in the kitchen waiting before I could even wake up. He helped my mother gather her last few items, and off we were. The ride down the mountain was exciting, for neither Tyler nor I had ever been out of Morganton before. It took us a couple of hours to reach the airport, but once we got there, I was in shock. I’d never seen so many people at one place at one time in my entire life. Everyone there was dressed as if they had somewhere important to be. I looked down at my pink sweat pants and gray t-shirt, and I felt very out of place. The plane ride was interesting. Tyler kept his face pressed against the window the entire time, while I simply observed all the others on their way to Florida. Edward had purchased four seats: three in the very front of the plane, and one in the very back. As we were boarding, he informed us that the three seats in the front were for him, me, and my mother, while the one lone seat in the back was for Tyler. I wouldn’t have it. I found where Tyler’s seat was, and asked the lady who was sitting there to please trade with me. She did, leaving Tyler beaming and me seething with anger at Edward’s attitude towards Tyler. Once we had landed, Edward went and rented a car for us to drive to the hotel in. When we arrived at the hotel, Edward asked Tyler and I to wait while he and our mom went and checked out the room. The lobby was large and fancy, with much to entertain Tyler and I. We ate cookies, watched TV, and played checkers. We were having so much fun, that neither of us even realized that it had been three hours since our mother left with Edward. We waited about a half hour longer, and when there was no return of them, we walked up to the front check-in desk where I had last seen my mother and Edward. “Excuse me?” I asked the man at the front desk. “Can you please tell us what room a man by the name of ‘Edward Hennigan’ is in?” The man turned around and started typing rapidly on his computer. It seemed like days before he turned around and said “I’m sorry young lady, but Mr. Hennigan seems to have checked out just a couple hours ago.” “No, there must be a mistake,” I said with panic rising in my voice. “We just got here today!” “I’m sorry, miss,” the man replied. “The computers don’t lie. Have a nice day.” I stood there for a moment, and then looked down at Tyler, who was in tears. Edward was gone, and he had taken our mother with him. Tyler and I were lost. I took Tyler’s hand and we walked out into the parking lot. My heart leapt with joy when I saw the car Edward had rented still sitting in the parking lot. Tyler and I sprinted over to the car, only to find it empty and locked. It was then that I noticed a note on the windshield. It said, //“If you ever want us to be a family again, get rid of your rotten brother. Yours, Edward//.” I stood there with the note in my hand, looking around as if Edward was going to pounce on me any moment now. I grabbed Tyler, and we walked down the street for a few blocks. It was beginning to get chilly, and it was already past dark, and Tyler and I had nowhere to go. Suddenly, an old lady appeared out of the shadows. “Why, here you are my dears. I’ve been waiting on you for quite some time!” exclaimed the old lady. I looked behind me, for I was unsure if she was talking to us or not. “Come, come, my dears!” she said, grabbing us both by the wrists. “I have fresh cookies waiting on you inside!” As she walked us up her front porch steps, I asked “Excuse me, but who are you?” “Well my dear,” she said with an evil gleam in her eyes, “I’m your grandmother!” She looked nothing like my mother’s mom, and I had never met my father’s mom before. As if she could hear my thoughts, she said “That’s right my dear. I’m the mother of your father. And now, I will be your mother, too.” “I have a mother, thank you very much,” I said as I turned to leave. “Come on Tyler, let’s go.” The old woman walked over to a closet door and said “You don’t have a mother anymore.” She opened the closet door and out fell my mother’s dead body. I grabbed Tyler and put him behind me to shield him from the sight. Then, from around the corner, out walked Edward. “Son, there you are!” said the old woman. “Son?” I said, dumbfounded. “That’s right,” said Edward. “I’m your father.”